Call Me Maybe

Alerts on my phone give me heart palpitations. So do people that tell me that they are, "Bad at using their phones." Yeah, welcome to 2013. Thanks to technology I can have 10 conversations at one time which usually turns into texting gossip to the wrong person (which of course I never do). I literally start sweating when I see I have a voicemail, because no one leaves voicemails these days unless it's serious like, "You have a hair appointment next Tuesday." Social media brought a whole new boatload of confusion to communication as in, I will totally be LinkedIn to you, but no way would I friend you on Facebook. But if you're my friend on Facebook, I only want you to have my gmail account, and not my hotmail account. Yikes, when did talking to people get so hard!

Your phone is great, but it also makes things confusing. I feel like you used to like a guy, talk to them, and they would call you. Now it's like you only get a call when it's serious. Texting is super convenient, but also maybe a little unreal, ie: I can sit and think about how to respond rather than just giving you my foot in mouth reaction. I can also say things that I would never say to your face. I might even play the little game where I wait to text you back so as to appear more aloof. I also find that when I text someone I get ticked that they haven't texted me back (this is especially true when I'm texting a friend that I know has their phone literally as an extra appendage. Don't screen me honey). How are you supposed to know if the 4g network has failed, or they are out on their bowling team, or they are asleep, or maybe they just aren't attached to their phone! You can check your Facebook to see if they have messaged you there, or maybe you missed an email so you should probably check that too. You can even keep track of what time the communication was sent and if the reader has in fact read it or not. This is enough to make a girl crazy! All of the sudden you have turned into this totally insane person who is afraid to even look at their phone or turn on their computer because all that will be there is a message from mom and your phone will be thrown across the room. While ranting about this to a friend, she reminded me of this scene from He's Just Not That Into You:

 

She totally has my sympathy. 

My friend recently told me that he called a girl to say he couldn't meet up and she thanked him for actually calling her. It makes me sad that this is something we have to be thankful for now. I guess what I'm trying to say is that when in doubt, you should probably just call- it's easier than texting a paragraph and I like to dance to my ringtone. That or you should only text in hashtagged phrases, because that's just fun. #lifeunplugged #imfabulous

The Far East

So about two weeks ago, I got on this:

And I went here (Thanks for the map www.enchantedlearning.com):

When people ask me how my trip was, I have a one word response: eye-opening. I was pretty psyched to go on this trip as my foreign travels thus far have been limited to North America and Europe, and I will tell you right now that China is a whole different animal. Here are some things you should know about my trip:
1. 40% of the pictures I took were of little Chinese kids. I love them. Probably because I was half of one.

 

2. Another 40% of the pictures I took were of little Chinese senior citizens. I love them too. They make me think of my Po Po and Gung Gung.

3. All foreign places smell, and China has a distinct smell. I'm pretty sure it comes from the squatting toilets...or the fact that I saw multiple children being held over trash cans to pee.

4. I witnessed this while eating at Pizza Hut in the Beijing Airport: http://www.news.com.au/world-news/mystery-explosion-at-beijing-airport/story-fndir2ev-1226682515216.
The crazy part was no one seemed panicked, well except for the American tourists.

5. Climbing the Great Wall was surprisingly hard. I figured after climbing my first 14er merely days before this would be nothing. Well, it was steep, the steps were uneven, and you're climbing with hundreds of other people. It was pretty awesome. I should've gone all the way to the top, but then I stepped in pee and lost my willpower.

6. The government is everywhere. I'm afraid to even write this because they are probably checking my movements. But seriously, I can't believe what a crazy military presence there was.

7. Everyone knows that China has a huge population, but what you might not be able to picture is that it's like Disneyland multiplied by 1,000. No one seems to mind if you are in line or if you bump into them either. I can't decide if it is rude that everyone is constantly pushing you over, or that it is just the culture in a dog eat dog world. Let's just say I gave up saying excuse me after a while and started using my purse as a battering ram.

 8. Chinese people are pretty intrigued by Americans. Everywhere we went people wanted to take their picture with us, because for some, we were the first white people they had ever seen. My dad ate this up.

 

9. Most people know that China has an overpopulation issue and we've also heard about the one child policy. While driving down the street, probably 8 out of 10 people that you see are male. According to our guide, you must have the 4 c's to get a wife in China: car, condo, cash, and cuteness. And we thought the dating pool here was tough! You should also know that it's wicked hot in China, so the men just lift their shirts off to cool off their bellies. Hello ladies.

 10. I am more Chinese than I thought I was. That, or people are really white. People seemed to be really concerned about what they were eating. "Is this chicken or is it pork?" Um, does it matter? Clearly these people have never sat through a Chinese banquet before. The food was okay, but not my Po Po's. I did manage to see some skewered fried scorpions that were still wiggling, however I stuck to eating the sticky rice instead.

11. My great enlightenment came from a discussion with our guide about the pollution in China. You hear about it on the news, but it's even worse than they describe. The smog mixed with the pollution literally makes you feel like you can't breath. Our guide told us that countries from across the globe send their work to China because they make high quality products for cheap prices. What other countries don't understand is that by doing this, China is now taking on all of the pollution from those countries. To top it off, they don't have a government that is prepared to deal with such a huge problem, nor do they really care. This was such a different perspective for me because here in America we always hear about how China takes all of our jobs, but in reality, we are creating even more problems for them! Can you tell my mind was a little blown?

All in all I had a great trip, but I'm also so very thankful that my grandparents immigrated to America. In my mind, one of the best reasons to travel is because it helps remind you that you are just one teeny tiny person in one ginormous world. China definitely reminded me of just that.

Deep Thoughts

Am I the only person that finds packing for a trip to be the most daunting task in the world? Perhaps it's just that my summer brain gets far too bogged down by a task that requires actual planning. Instead of packing for said trip, I find that my mind is full of a lot of random thoughts. No doubt my undiagnosed ADHD is kicking in...At any rate, sometimes I feel like I have things to say but nowhere to say them. Luckily I have this neat little blog. So without any rhyme or reason, here are a few of my random summer musings, and then I swear I'm totally going to finish packing :)

• I had a discussion with a friend the other day about how weird it would've been to be the first person to discover watermelon. I imagine someone foraging in a forest and discovering this crazy large green thing. They attempt to pick it up only to drop it because of its weight. The drop cracks it open and holy crow! It's red, sweet, and amazing inside! I wish I had been that person.
• I think it's really rude when people wave at you when they're doing really dumb things. "Hey, I know I'm cutting you off or almost running you over, but I'm waving so it's cool!" That's not cool, that's dick.
• I'm seriously considering starting a new collection bin out in my alley. I'm going to label it "Hobo" so that people will stop digging through the trash. They'll be easily able to access what they need and move along quickly. Everybody wins.
• Today is laundry day so I have shirts hanging up in every doorway of my house. I just realized that each time I enter a room I've been doing the limbo under the shirts. This has just become very entertaining to me.
• I think that biscuit dough in one of those cans that you peel and they explode is quite possibly one of the scariest things ever, and probably the closest I will ever get to holding a grenade.
• I'm a teacher, therefore I have summers off. When I'm going to the gym, or running errands during the day there are an amazing amount of people out and about. Don't these people have jobs? Not all of you can be teachers! And then it hits me...some people are actually allowed to like leave work for lunch! *Gasp* Or maybe even work from home! *Double Gasp!* Let me just say that people should never take those things for granted.

Digital Dating

"Where do I meet a guy?" This is the most common phrase that I've noticed  among my single girlfriends. We all have the same complaint- if you don't meet someone while you are in college, dating prospects really diminish as your age increases. You could walk up to strangers at the grocery store, but then again there are only so many things you can say about peaches before things turn awkward.

 The  lack of eligible bachelors usually leads to a conversation about online dating. People typically have a lot of opinions about this new form of digital dating, but I've found myself on the fence about it. Therefore, I decided to poll my friends to see if the world of online dating was worth dipping a toe into.

PROS

• Apparently online dating is the new way to date. I got a lot of techie people telling me that in a few years this will be the only way that people will meet. I should also mention that only my guy friends had this response.
• According to recent findings, the divorce rate of people who meet online is only 25%. This is because people have already laid out their non-negotiables as far as what shit they are not willing to put up with. Makes sense right?
• You can pick the person that you attracted to, have the same interests as, and are looking for the same things.
• People have made it work. Every time I asked someone what they thought about online dating, the first response was usually, "Oh, you know so and so, they totally met online and now they are getting married!"

CONS

• My number one feeling about online dating: Stranger Danger. 
• People are weird, creepy, and/or liars. Just watch Catfish for like 10 minutes and you'll see what I mean.
• Instead of just talking to someone you are attracted to, you order them off of a menu. "Hmm, I think I'll take tall, athletic, brain surgeon who enjoys barbecues and ping pong." You could blow someone off just because they wrote something boneheaded on their profile, isn't that like judging a book by its cover?
• People online might not have the same intentions that you do. I have a friend that went on a date with a guy after she broke up with her boyfriend for the sole purpose of trying to get through a new date without crying. She's not looking for love. Nor is the guy whose profile picture is taken in his bathroom mirror with his shirt lifted up to display his 42 pack.

So, what is the general consensus? I think that online dating is nothing more than a personal preference. We are all looking for love, and more often than not in the wrong places. I say follow your bliss and find a good wingman, the rest will all fall into place.

Lady Baggage

Typically I'm not a fan of people who complain about the weather, but I have one thing to say about this here Colorado summer and that is, it's flinging flanging HOT! The good thing however, is that I have numerous trips planned this summer to beat the heat in my tiny oven of an apartment.

Upon lugging my suitcase back home from my last journey, I couldn't quite understand why my bag was so dang heavy. While unpacking, I discovered that my bag didn't have anything extraordinary in it, but rather the usual crap that a lady needs in order to survive. Now I know I'm going to catch some grief for this because my granola friends will say, "You're so beautiful you don't need make up or jewelry!" And you know what, they are right. But does the average person look enhanced with said accoutrements? I think yes. What women travels without:

1. A hefty Ziploc bag of products: One day I decided to see just how many products I used on my body. The answer: 24. That's right, 2 dozens things! Obviously I have a bit of a product addiction, but to those who say you don't need it, I say, do you really want to be around me when my hair looks like Edward Scissorhands, my face looks like a 15 year old boy, and I smell like a locker room? Nobody should have to see/smell that.
2. A wide variety of bras: Don't blush, bras are a necessity of womankind, no matter what shape or size. Who knows when you'll need a strapless, t-shirt, racerback, black, nude, one strap contraption to make you look slim, appropriate, and appealing to the man stew of D.C.? I overheard a group of ladies at the airport having this same conversation, and I was like, "Totally with you sister."
3. A large quantity of chargers: Be it phone, tablet, Kindle, camera, laptop or iPod you'll need them all on your prolonged stay. You'd think by now we'd have a universal charger to make it easy on travelers, but then again, why make it convenient?
4. Multiple pairs of shoes: As most of you that know me are aware of, I'm a bit of a shoe fiend. So when I say my luggage had 9 pairs of shoes in it you are not surprised. Sure it's a bit of an overkill, but know that I bought three pairs on the actual trip (one should not ignore excellent sales). Shoes are there for all of your walking, beaching, dressing up times so it really pays to be prepared.
5. Plane entertainment: There are few things worse than being on a long flight without something to do. I had accidentally packed my book in my suitcase on my way to D.C. and found myself watching a movie on someone's laptop between the crack of the two airplane seats in front of me. Kind of creepy and also less meaningful without sound.

So the next time you are packing for a trip, remember to keep the luggage light and only take the essentials listed above. You never know what you'll encounter, but at least hopefully the hot weather will be enjoyed on a beach rather than your couch. Bon voyage!

From the Mouths of Babes

Ah, summer break. How I have been waiting anxiously for you to get here! All in all, it was a pretty fabulous year in my classroom. I know some people don't really understand what it is that I do as a teacher, but I hope everyone knows just how amazingly humorous kids can be.  Sometimes from the mouths of babes comes the greatest things.  I thought I would take a minute to count down my top 10 favorite quotes from this year. Enjoy!

10. On a field trip to the park, student looks at me and says, "Ms. V, nature is so sooving don't you think? You know, like calm." Then he whips out his TMNT toy.

9. A student wore a presidential candidate's shirt to school during election season. Another student walked up to them and said, "Just so you know, ________ is a liar." I bet you can't guess which candidate :)

8. Student: "You know Ms. V, you really are the best teacher in the school." Me: "Why do you say that?" Student: "Well because your name has a V in it and you told all the other teachers to make a music video."

7. Me: "Do you think you could help this student out? They are really going to need your support and I know you can do it because you are so kind." Student: "Well, I guess they are pretty obedient so I can get them to do what I want."

6. Student: "Ms. V., why do you like Tulowitzki so much?" Other student: "Hello! Have you seen him!?" Student: "So you're saying he is good looking?" Me and other student: "Yes."

5. While asking students to estimate the answer of a multiplication problem, I asked a student how they got their estimate. Student: "Well I know my estimate is correct because, well I don't know about these people,(points to his classmates) but I actually know how to multiply."

4. Student: "Ms. V., my parents think you are really weird." Me: "What? Why?" Student: "Well I told them about how you're always singing to us and dancing around the classroom." Me: "Maybe you shouldn't tell your parents everything that we do in class..."

3. I gave a student the "I'm disappointed" talk because he had forgotten his homework yet again. He wrote me the following in a letter: "I have never been so sorry in my life. I could just cry right now. I'll try so much harder next time, I'm gonna be on a roll. I'm so super sorry, I would go across across the world for my work."

2. Student: "Ms. V, would you like a coupon for a free donut?" Me: "No thanks, I'm good. Why?" Student: "Well, you're always talking about food, so I thought you'd like one." Okay, this one still makes me laugh.

1. When we study the history of Colorado, we study the mountain men. This is always a very entertaining unit as you talk about the importance of the beaver. My students took it to a whole new level this year when a group of boys couldn't stop talking about how much they loved beaver. It culminated with them chanting, "Beaver! Beaver! Beaver!" while throwing their fists in the air. If they only knew...

The Centenial State

A while back I wrote an ode to my home state of Utah. As my 10 year high school reunion grows closer, it seems crazy to think that I've now been a Colorado resident for almost ten years. Life is definitely different here in the Rocky Mountains, so I thought I would assemble some thoughts for all you non-natives to help you better understand life "elevated."

1. The first thing you need to know about living in Colorado is that people that are from here are REALLY proud of it. You'll be able to identify them by their "Native" bumper stickers and funny look that they give you when you tell them you're not from here. If you mention that you were thinking of moving somewhere else, the typical response is, "Why? Colorado is amazing! Who would ever want to leave?" This state pride was a bit weird to me because we don't have that in Utah...I then realized that is because no one from Utah ever leaves. Whatever you do, don't buy one of these or I will make fun of you--->

2. Another thing you should know about Colorado is that there is a formal dress code. First, all residents are required to purchase a variety of North Face outerwear, preferably black, but other colors are also allowed. Second, you must own at least one pair of outdoorsy and or eco-friendly footwear including but not limited to Keens, Chacos, Toms, Columbia, or Merrell. Flannel and/or plaid shirts are acceptable but not required. I utilized this wardrobe when I climbed Mt. Ranier last summer.
 <---Okay, so I was actually climbing a snow pile in the parking lot, but I feel I should receive credit for the effort and a bonus for incorporating a Coach bag into the outfit.

3. Colorado residents really, really like their Subarus. They also like to mow other cars over on the freeway when it is snowing. "Learn how to drive in the snow!" they shout. "Stop driving like a tool!" I reply.

4.On one of my first Sundays living in Colorado I took a walk around the neighborhood. It was silent. "Where is everyone?" I thought to myself. Turns out the Sunday has a different name in Colorado, it is Bronco Day. On Bronco Day, you stay inside and yell at the Donkeys until they win. You even get 15% off of your groceries if you wear your Broncos gear to the store on game day!

5. The last thing you should know about living in Colorado is that the weather is seriously nuts. It's something about the change in elevation coming off of the Rockies and into the plains, (or at least that's what they tell you when you're having yet another turbulent landing at DIA). At any rate, Coloradans love to talk about weather. When it snows in May (aka last week) you can start tallying how many people say, "Welcome to Colorado" or "It's springtime in the Rockies!" People really need to stop saying that because it makes me want to say mean things.

Well, I think that about sums this great state. For more information on life in Colorado, please ask any Midwesterner as they have all seemed to move here. Go Broncos.