How smart is a smart phone?

I was always one of those people that claimed that they didn’t “need” a smart phone. I just make phone calls and send text messages, why would I need something with email, games, maps, a camera, and facebook? Well, my tune has changed a bit since I’ve now invested in my first smart phone. You see, it’s amazing how many random questions that you need answered in a day. For example, just recently I had to Google to see when Saturday mail delivery ends (no date set yet) and how to say welcome in Tahitian (maeva!). All this would not be possible without my fabulous phone.

I’ve also found that your phone can be quite handy as you travel, which is good for me because it helps me pretend to be spontaneous. I say pretend, because I no longer have to go in a panic when I make a left instead of a right, I just follow my little Google map, I just slightly have to sweat. I’ve mapped out traffic patterns, found a brewery, and my personal favorite- I know the 5 day weather forecast for wherever I go (my friends call me the meteorologist). 

The only danger in this incredibly smart phone is that you can really hide behind it. If you want to avoid conversation while you stand in line, you check your facebook. If you want something to entertain you while you wait for your friend to get back from the bathroom, you check your email. The phone continues to get dangerous as you get bombarded by alarms you’ve set on your calendar, and emails that need to be answered on that damn teeny tiny keyboard, and my phone even makes frightening thunder sounds when it rains…suddenly your little sidekick seems to be causing you to be more overwhelmed than helped. This is ironic because when you don’t have your phone you in fact feel helpless. That, and you wonder to yourself how the hell there is somewhere on the planet that still doesn’t have cell service. 

I guess my opinion on this handy little invention is that it is really quite fabulous, however it shouldn’t replace human interaction. So check the weather one last time, and put that thing away. Can you hear me now?

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I’ve always been a fan of people watching, in fact I typically buy extra dark sun glasses in order to sneak an extra peak of the weird and wonderful people surrounding me. Recently, I went on a trip and learned that the airport is in fact one of the best people watching places.  You see, there is something about traveling by air that sends ordinary people into quite a tizzy. This ends up being quite entertaining for those of us who have flown, say, within the last ten years. Among the most entertaining things I observed at the airport were:

   1.       People who don’t understand how to go through a security line. I know you’re thinking this isn’t entertaining, this is so flipping obnoxious! But really, what could be more humorous than watching people undress rapidly, shove all of their belongings in a tub, and shuffle through a body scanner with their mismatched socks. It literally boggles my mind how hard this is for people. And don’t worry, I always seem to choose the line that has the most morons in it like hey, I didn’t know my belt had metal on it, or what do you mean I can’t have my phone in my pocket? Deep yoga breathing and finding the humor help me progress through the line.

2.       People traveling with small children. Okay, now I know you’re going to think I’m mean for saying this, but sometimes I think traveling parents need to a. chill out and b. pack less shit to entertain their child. I’m not a parent, but I am a teacher, and I can tell you that giving your kid some paper and crayons will yield less crying and more brain cells than your iphone with an episode of Sesame Street (also for the record, the rest of us don’t want to listen to Big Bird). Among the most entertaining thing that parents do is use their giant strollers as battering rams to get through crowds… yeah, don’t do that.

3.       People who can’t read. Surely you didn’t read that correctly, everyone knows how to read! Apparently not at the airport, nor do people know how to listen. They tell you to line up in numerical order to board the plane, so you just push in front of everyone right? The sign tells you to board at a certain gate, so you get ticked when you go to the wrong gate right? My favorite of course is when every ticket and announcement says that there are no assigned seats and you ask what your seat number is. Okay, so maybe this one isn’t entertaining and my comments are dripping with sarcasm, but hey it still makes for good people watching.

I encourage you to watch for these characters the next time you take a ride on a jet plane. While flying can be stressful, finding amusement in others may just lighten your trip.Or just reinforce that stupid people are not just annoying but humorous too.

Just Pin It!

It's official...I'm addicted to Pinterest. For months I heard about this "virtual bulletin board" and thought to myself, "That's lame, why are people so crazy about this?" Okay, so really I was thinking, "Don't let yourself get on that, you know you'll get addicted in a snap." I can't explain what it is, but whoever invented this sharing of images is a freakin genius. For those of you who don't yet pin, let me give you just a few reasons why you should jump on the bandwagon.

1. The web has become an overwhelming source of information. Even using Google can give you 942 ways to prepare an artichoke. On Pinterest, you just type in what you want and voila! Take your pick!
2. People are amazing. Seriously, the creative juices that exist in our world are vastly untapped. I may not be able to come up with a clever way to decorate cupcakes, but I sure can copy someone else.
3. I admit that sometimes I'm lazy and I don't want to read. We'll call that "visual learning" for the sake of my name. On Pinterest, you pick what you want to pin based off of how it looks. I'll analyze the recipe or list of supplies later, right now I can just pin it and save it for a later date.
4. Pinterest prepares you for your future. For example, I don't have a garden, but when I do, it will contain hanging planters (see my pinboard). I'm not married, but I know exactly what my flower arrangements will look like (don't tell my boyfriend). It's not yet Christmas, but I know what handmade gift you are all getting (and yes, they all come in mason jars). Who can honestly say that they don't need something to help them plan ahead?

In summary, if you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it. Just make sure you join on a day you have a lot of time so you can pin your little heart out!

Quit your Freeloading!

I’ve decided that I’m really fed up with freeloaders. To some this may seem like a pretty obvious statement, because really, who likes a freeloader? But the more I look around me, the more I see these freeloaders roaming in every nook of my life. Specifically I can think of three groups of freeloaders.

1.       Freeloaders that you work with- Did you know that everyone that you work with is busier than you are? And that they couldn’t possibly help you out with anything because they are very important? Yes, it is true.  Now I know I can be one of those “It’s Easier to do it Myself” type of people, however I’ve been trying to give myself a bit of relief by asking for help and dividing up tasks.  With your great coworkers this works out quite nicely, you know like you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. However with others, you’ll always be disappointed. To them I say, that’s fine, I won’t ever help you again. And also, I dare you to take credit for my work…seriously.

2.       Freeloaders in your community- I was recently at a fundraising meeting where people were being asked to host a fundraising event. Alright, who would like to volunteer? (Insert crickets). No one. Okay then, so you want the benefits from the fundraising, but you would like to have no part in actually participating…right, you must be one of those “busy people” too. 

3.       Friends that are freeloaders- Now this is a tricky one because for some friends, you’re willing to let them do a little freeloading because they are your friends and you love them. However, there are some that just take. In fact you could call them a vacuum because all they do is suck things from you.  They want you to cook for them, they want you to host people for that big game, they want you to drop everything to do them a favor, they want you to pick them up at the airport, and they want you to help them move.  However whenever you ask them for help, they magically can’t seem to answer their phone. FYI- we know that you keep your phone with you at all times as if it were another appendage, so we know you got the call beeyatch. Let’s be honest, if a friend is a freeloader, they’re not really a friend at all.

While I can’t change that there are freeloaders in this world, because we all know that some people just live their lives like this, what I can take from this realization is that now I know what I don’t want be like. So freeloaders of the world, get off your butts and do something! (And also, I'm not saying that you revolve around my blog, but I bet now you can't stop wondering if I'm talking about you. hee hee)

What a Tool

I apologize for my lack of blogging lately. My move is officially over and the fun of unpacking is upon me. While unpacking and decorating my new space, I’m reminded of my life long battle with power tools. You see, I was banned from using tools during high school when I took my stereo apart. I was merely trying to get a CD out, but what ended up happening was an expensive piece of audio equipment being dissected into a disarray of screws and miscellaneous metal parts. My parents were less than pleased. At least now I can’t find a way to use power tools to take apart my iPod.

My boyfriend has also experienced my lack of tool knowledge. We decided it would be fun to build bookcases for his basement in the form of a race aka who can build their shelves the fastest. This turned into me accidentally building my bookcase backwards and him having to completely take it apart…including the locking screws (or whatever). Apparently I had gotten a little excited with the drill and was no longer allowed to be a part of the building process. He’s no fun at all.

This week I again had to relive my battle with tools. I went into it thinking “I am woman, hear me roar” which of course led me to drop a hammer on my toe…yes, it drew blood. Then I thought I would install some curtains. I watched multiple videos online and read through directions as well. Again, I do not believe in needing a man for these types of things. Well, four bent wall anchors later and a pretty big hole, and my curtains are still on the ground. Will I be forever cursed to not know how to use these damn tools? I hope not, because frankly, it’s really bright in the morning. Also, I’m currently accepting help from anyone who knows how to do this shit.

Is it hip to be a hippie?

As I was slowly drifting off to sleep last night, my nose suddenly sensed a familiar scent. Yes, my new neighbors were definitely burning incense, a true sign of a modern day hippie. Truth be told, I can't believe it's taken me this long to get how I feel about hippies off my chest. You see, I'm a teacher, so I'm as liberal as they come. However, I find that these so called "hippie" people are pretty lame. Okay, before you jump down my throat, know that I'm making a generalization based on a bit of experiences. My thinking is threefold:

1. Once at a bar in Boulder (aka Hippie Central) I noticed an empty table, so I grabbed it. I was then bombarded by a hippie who yelled at me and said I SO took his table. Frankly I was baffled as there was no sign of an inhabitant at said table. He then told me that he had "had his eye on it." Apparently this is hippie speak for "Table is Mine." I wanted to yell at him and stomp on his macrame shoe covered foot, but no, I was polite and just walked away. Peace and harmony my ass, that guy was rude!

2. Hippie people think that they are going to save the Earth by not showering. I've literally had hippies tell me that they don't bathe because it's not natural. To that I say, God invented soap for a reason. You're not a hippie just because you have poor grooming habits, that's called a hobo.

3. My final reason for being down on hippie people is that they think they are better than you. They scold you for forgetting your canvas grocery bags, look down on you for not buying organic, and sneer at you when you refuse to join the game of hacky sack. Fool, I drive a Prius! Who are you to judge yo? Now I do realize that by making this statement, I am also inferring that I think I am better than them, however I don't treat people differently because of they way the look. I treat people differently because of the way that they act. Totally different.

The irony of this whole blog is that today during my yoga class there was incense...damn hippies.

Holiday Mythology

Dreams were shattered today in my classroom. I thought I was asking about how everybody's Easter was, but what ended up happening was a boy raising his hand and declaring to the class that this year he learned the Easter bunny was in fact his mother. Of course my face instantly turned bright red and I had to fight the urge to yell, "Are you freaking kidding me, keep that to yourself!" as I looked around the class and saw some very stunned faces. This kid thinks he's made some great discovery, while others are going to go home crying...great.

I actually believed in things like the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, and Santa until about the age of 12. I know, I'm special. But on the day at the store when my mom looked at me and said, "Don't be surprised if you find this in your stocking," I was utterly surprised and very upset. I guess I'd just figured I'd find out if Santa was real when I had my own kids. You mean to tell me that every year that I've sprinted downstairs being careful not to touch any of my gifts, but crane my neck carefully to see what Santa had left me, it was all a farce? That Santa can't make the Ultimate Nsync Book or a Discman in his factory? Who the hell ate all those cookies? I guess I should've known when all my friends kept getting $20 from the Tooth Fairy, I was like, are your teeth made of gold or is the TF just cheap at my house? (Which by the way mom, you are not cheap, other parents are stupid. 20 bones for something that falls out of your face? Pull-eeze.)

Needless to say, I was pretty brokenhearted when I learned that all of these holiday friends were really just myths. I felt like I had been lied to, and also that my parents had been doing a lot of work behind the scenes to keep up the jig. I hope that when I have kids they'll keep believing as long as possible, or at least until some lame kid blows it for them at school.