The Case for Teacher Pay

It's that time of year again. We are all decking the halls, singing the carols, and wrapping the gifts. But as a teacher we are not only doing this, we are also trying to stop the children from crawling up the walls as they jump for joy from their candy cane comas. There's nothing like the holiday spirit to remind me that there are many things that come with my job that a. no one ever told me about and b. I should get paid better for dealing with. I'm not talking work overload or any of that, I'm talking the weird situations that come up on a daily basis that truly warrant a bonus. So while you are singing the 12 days of Christmas, I will now sing the 12 reasons teachers deserve better pay.

1. Noses- I don't know what it is but kids have an obsession with their noses. I can't even tell you how many times I've witnessed the pick and eat. It's disgusting and I'm pretty sure bankers don't have to deal with that.
2. Mouths- Kids are also obsessed with their mouths. I have a teacher friend who watched her student begin with one end of the paper and proceed to eat the paper inch by inch. Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure none of my college classes told me what to do in this instance.
3. Nudity- Yesterday I walked by a second grade classroom and a student had pulled his pants down and was just chillin with his naked butt in the seat. Why? No one knows.
4. Bathroom incidents- I clearly remember another friend's first year of teaching when she called me in a panic. Her student had pooped on the floor that day. Then the other kids had stepped in it and tracked it all over the room. When this happened in my own classroom we were lucky to discover it was canine. Again, things they don't teach you in college.
5. Spelling mishaps- Teachers should get a bonus check just for the interpretation of student's writing. Just this week a student wrote that, "The moon has phases because it's all a fart of our solar system." Changing lives, day by day.
6. Fighting society- A lot of things that kids know come from our society, of course this is not always a good thing. For example, I'm spelling a word for a student "per-pen-dic-u-lar," and he giggles. Okay, so he gets "dick" but he can't tell me what a triangle is? I'm mad at you society.
7. Teaching technology- Anyone who has ever taught 27 children at once to double click, save, and print knows what I'm talking about. Yesterday my teammate's student laid on his keyboard for a while thereby hitting the return key through 85 pages. Crazy that when he printed he couldn't figure out why the printer was only spitting out blank pages.
8. Tattling- Sadly I continue to deal with this in 4th grade. I really don't care if that kid is using a mechanical pencil, I care that you know how to write a summary. Ugh.
9. Snack time- Nothing says teachers need a pay raise like cookies for snack.
10. Faking enthusiasm- I can't even tell you how many times a day I have to pretend that I'm excited for a student. This sounds bad, but really I don't care that your dog did something silly that I don't understand, and I don't care that you picked out a new book to stack on your desk, and finally I don't care about a story that took 20 minutes to tell and there is no climax. That's some valuable instructional time right there.
11. Office supplies- I know, you're thinking what? Well let me tell you why teachers need more pay because of office supplies. First, I've had a child staple themselves twice, I've found numerous pencils sharpened down to less than an inch, and have had an entire stack of papers glued together because someone just loved squeezing the glue bottle. This is why office supplies can be a curse.
12. Parent teacher conferences- Now I'm not talking workload, because everyone already knows that these days equal 14 hours of work. I'm talking 20 minute speed dating with parents telling them what their child is doing is 5 subjects including homework and behavior. I should get a bonus just for filling the time so full.

Well, if I still haven't convinced you that teachers need more pay then you should probably give me a call. Actually, wait until after I finish my winter break :)

It's Thanksgiving!

In preparation for Thanksgiving, it seems to be a trend on Facebook to write about something you are thankful for each day. I thought this was a fabulous idea, however I didn't quite catch on until about day 5. I also can't match my Facebook friend's praise for babies, in laws, etc. I thought it would be interesting to take a more logical approach to these claims of thanks. Of course I'm thankful for my family, friends, and manfriend- they make me who I am. But what I'm really thankful for are things that most others take for granted. So, without further ado, here is my list of 30 things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. Gobble gobble.
1. Coffee
2. The opportunity to bake and relieve stress
3. A car that gets 50 mpg
4. Sunday mornings
5. Caring coworkers
6. A memory foam mattress top
7. The holiday season
8. Quilts made by my mom
9. Kleenex boxes in every room
10. Baseball parks
11. The crock pot
12. Tulips
13. Knowing how to play piano
14. The 27 cherubs that I teach
15. Friends that make you go to spin class
16. J.K. Rowling
17. Bags that fly free
18. Free recycling
19. People that smile at you
20. Seat heaters
21. People who decorate their houses with Christmas lights
22. My day planner
23. Mashed potatoes
24. People that say "Excuse me"
25. The public library
26. A good landlord
27. Friendly and quiet neighbors
28. Free shipping
29.People who cook me dinner
30. Pictionary

Hey, it's not okay...

Man on man it has been a REALLY long time since I've gotten my blog on. I guess you could say I was suffering from a bit of writers block, that or school started and my free time became nil. At any rate, I've finally decided to take some time to begin writing again, and what better way is there to do that than to play off of another one of my blogs.

A few months back I was inspired by my favorite magazine, Glamour. In this magazine I look forward to the monthly "Hey, it's okay" page where people write in and say ironic and humorous things that are quite frankly, okay to feel. I thought I'd give it a twist this time however and create a "Hey, it's NOT okay" list. So here it goes...

HEY, IT'S NOT OKAY...

• to honk your horn when the light is red. It is best to wait for the intersection to clear before you proceed.

• to talk about politics...ever. This breeds hatred for your friends and also makes your heart palpitate and say things like, "You are a bleeping moron, how could you bleeping not vote for bleep." Not cool.

• that there are diaper wipes in my staff's adult bathroom. Oh, and no one has a baby. Is this what happens when you get older?

• to wear slippers as shoes, and leggings as pants, and hoodies as coats. 

• to update your facebook status 15 times a day. I'm sorry, but I just don't care where you are, what you're eating, and who you are with. 

•  Not to use manners. If someone sends you a gift, say thank you. If you walk in front of someone, say excuse me. How has society suddenly forgot these holy rules?

• To put up Christmas stuff in the stores before Thanksgiving. Every holiday should get its fair share of observance.

• To ask your parents for money after age 25. You've graduated, you have a job, grow up. Let your dad buy that red convertible and you find your pride.

•  To give me a Pepsi when I ordered a Coke. 

•  For Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner to not have egg foo yung gravy. I know it's my Chinese heritage, but the meal just isn't the same without it. Period.

No comprendo.

These days I feel like the more I look around me, the more I just don't understand. There are just some things that make me want to throw my arms in the air because they just plum don't make sense. Of course then I take a deep sarcastic breath and move on. Is there anyone out there that can please explain the following to me:

• Cropped tops- Doesn't everyone know that in fashion, long and lean lines make a long and lean you? If you crop it all that shows is your muffin top. Why must these designers make shirts that require so many sit ups?
• Frozen yogurt shops- Okay, now you're thinking, "Hello, you love frozen yogurt!" which I do, however I think that we've gotten way far away from this healthy dessert phase. How can people call yogurt that you pay for by the POUND and cover in chocolate chips and 300 gummi bears healthy? I myself call this dinner (ha!) but healthy, not quite.
• Tip jars- I was a waitress for 3 years, so I know just how important it is to tip well. However it seems like everywhere you go these days, people want to get tipped. I'm sorry, but I don't feel that I owe you something just because you opened a display and handed me a box of Butterfinger bites. Perhaps you should charge less and do a dance, then I might consider it.
• 5K runs and/or marathons- Hey, did you know that if you want to have a fundraiser in Colorado all you have to do is tell people there will be a running race? Since when do so many people like running, and on top of that running through mud and electrical fences? This doesn't say fun to me, this says wow my face is beet red and I don't think my heart should be beating this fast. I also don't like how these runs shut down traffic on a Saturday...just saying.
• Sporks- When was the last time you tried using one of these things? KFC right? Let's just say not the world's best invention.
• The B gear on my car- The dealership said this meant "brake". I nodded like I understood, but really all I could think was, "Isn't there a pedal for that?" Hence, the B gear will probably never get used.

I guess as I continue to go through life I will continue to find these things that just don't make sense to me. But I will say I'm willing to listen to anyone who can explain...as I eat my frozen yogurt in my cropped top of course.

Freshly sharpened bouquet of pencils

Well kids, it's that time of year again, time for back to school. While the end of summer brings dread to many a little one, I myself celebrate 10 cent folders and markers for just $1. But I guess I can see where these kids are coming from, I mean after months of freedom we all have to buckle down and get back to the paper and pencils. What most people may not think about is how teachers and adults feel about this back to school time of year. I feel the following:

• Confusion as to why I picked a job with a location so far away. Seriously, I do not remember the commute being this long, nor people being this slow.

 

• Stress at trying to perfect the straightness of a bulletin board...a bulletin board that will no doubt be ignored and/or ripped down by October. 
• Clever, as in how can I cleverly fit 20 Smart Ones lunches into my freezer for those "emergency" days when making a lunch sounds like climbing Everest. 

 

• Panic because all of the sudden I have to find my ironing board again...okay, okay, I'll be honest- most days I iron my clothes with my hair straightener 2 minutes before I walk out the door, stupid mornings.
• Tired, because let's be real I a. have not had to wake up before the crack of 9 for three months, b. have only had to use brain power to keep track of who is winning on the current episode of Project Runway, and c. have not showered before 2 p.m. in over a week. All of this "work" is tiring!

• Anticipation, as in I cannot wait to see what fun conversations and drama will come up in my workplace that is 99% women :) 

 

Well, I'm off to pick out my new outfit for school tomorrow and go to bed, that's right it's school bedtime again. Good luck my little scholars!

Hey, It's Okay...

I'm an avid magazine reader, and among my favorites is Glamour magazine. And inside this piece of literature, my favorite page is the "Hey, It's Okay..." page where it lists many things that are, well frankly they are okay to agree with. So to pay homage to this entertaining magazine, I have created my own list of things that I hope you also think are okay.

Hey, it's okay...

 

• to take pictures of your feet just to prove that you were somewhere.
• to consider a veggie burger as a vegetable serving.
• to judge people who don't send thank you cards. It's common decency people.
• to scoff at people who still don't recycle. Global warming is real my friends, the jig is up. So do your part.
• to consider shopping exercise. Old people can walk around malls, so why can't you? Plus you have all those bags to carry...
• to secretly hate those women at the gym who work out in only their sports bras. We already know you're fit, we don't need your abs to reinforce this on us as we are dying on the treadmill.
• to call your mom to see what type of meat you need to make that pot roast.
• to stand up for yourself and say what you want. This is especially true when talking to your hairdresser, the person doing your pedicure, your auto mechanic, and your boyfriend.
• to know every song from the Lion King and to sing along, most especially to the beginning of the Circle of Life.
• to base your travels on things you collect. In my case this means taking pictures at the state line, getting stamps in my National Park passport, and buying city Starbucks mugs.
• to think that your family is simply the best family in the world.
• to ask for your Shirley Temple shaken not stirred.

Sexy and I Know It

Well, it’s an ordinary Monday and I decided to check my email. After completing this task I logged out and was brought to a screen that said “Now you can browse the internet in a way that is stylish and sexy,” paraphrasing for copyright reasons of course. Upon reading this I immediately took up my thinking face, (you know, one eyebrow up, one down). What on earth makes checking my email or surfing the web “sexy” or “stylish”? I suppose some people think what they are doing online makes them feel sexy, but I call it pervy.

This so called sexy internet browsing got me to thinking about just how overused the term “sexy” is. We all know that sex sells, but must we now call everything from our chocolate bars, to our shoes, to our cars sexy? My inner teacher tells me that there must be a better array of words that can be used to attract people’s attention.  The biggest danger in this overuse of “sexy” is that people are using it incredibly incorrectly. For the record I would like to state that the following are not in fact “sexy”.

• That time of the month. Sure your tampon brand may make you feel comfortable going to a swimming pool, but in no way does it even remotely make me feel “sexy”. It makes me feel hungry and bloated

•    That swoosh of hair in front of your eyes, like Beiber style. This is not “sexy” especially when you have to shake your head in one direction repeatedly to keep it in place. You look like a fool with a neck twitch, not “sexy”.

•  Food. On a TV show I was watching, the host hopeful kept talking about “sexy” food. Uh, maybe delicious, savory, or mouthwatering. But “sexy” is just the wrong word. Who feels sexy after they chow down?

• Cars. Most men think their cars make them “sexy”, or that the car itself is “sexy”. I may say your car is clean, or your car is fast, but “sexy”, no. This is especially true when you rev the engine loudly in an intersection, or when you drive laid back with one hand on the wheel. You think your car makes you “sexy” but mostly it makes me smirk at you.

And so friends, the next time you consider using the adjective “sexy” to describe something, I want you to really think about it. I’m on JT’s side and think that we do in fact need to bring sexy back, but only for the nouns that really fit the requirements of the word. Now get back to your sexy browsing!