Bon appetit!

 I’ve had a sneaky suspicion lately that I might be a bit of a culinary genius. I took my first cooking class a few weeks back and stared in awe as the woman showed me how to…wait for it…chop an onion! Okay, so my genius might be in the developmental stages right now, but what it comes down to is that I love food. I know, it’s a pretty bold statement, but I’m not afraid to admit the fact that I absolutely love the taste, smell, and look of wonderful food.

I read an article that really made me think about my food obsessions. There is this new term floating around called “food porn”. Food porn includes those delectable pictures of an ooey, gooey, creamy and chocolatey dessert or that big, juicy, cheese-covered burger. See below:

 

When we look at these pictures, apparently our brain gets turned on and we want to eat. They say our brains are even more turned on by pictures than actual food in front of our salivating little faces! It all goes back to the cave man days they say, though I’m pretty sure the Neanderthals didn’t have food porn to browse on Pinterest.

I guess what I found so fascinating about this food porn idea is that I know now why looking up all of those recipes can be so addicting, I also now know why I’ve wanted to be one of those food photographers, (this article did not however explain why I want to be the person who squishes up make up samples and photographs those cool smudges and color combos). What still leaves me baffled, however, is this idea of a “foodie”. I consider a foodie one of those people that is obsessed with food, talks about it with big and usually French words, and makes you feel like the most you know about food is that French fries come from potatoes. I find these people to be kind of annoying.  

 I’m no foodie, but if I can turn this:

Into this:

I will still respond to the name Culinary Genius. Bon appetit!

The Man Must Have List

Alright, who is ready for the latest installment of my love life? Ha. I knew that’d get your attention. So it’s been about four months since the split which means  I’m nearing the six month timeline that all those helpful people told me would mean I was “okay”. I guess I can quote good old John Mayer when I say, “I’m in repair. I’m not together, but I’m getting there.” You see this starting over business is really difficult, but I feel that I’m now getting used to the idea of going on a date*gasp*.

Everyone says you’ll find Mr. Perfect because he’s right under your nose, but I’ll tell you what- I’ve looked there, and found nada. I’ve decided that as a starting point I would create a list of attributes that the next man in my life will have to have. 

The Man Must Have List

1.       Must have their shit together- My friend was trying to set me up with this guy and said, “He’s so nice, he’s getting ready to go back and finish school so he can start his own business.” There are so many things wrong with this sentence. I want no part of anyone going back to school, I did that six years ago. I already know what I want in my life, and I need someone who has their life together enough to say they have a job that they enjoy, they don’t rely on their parents for anything other than love, and they don’t have roommates that own kegs. Seriously, get your poop in a group.

2.       Must be caring- I am a natural caretaker. I’ve been caring since I was 8 and got in trouble for giving my money to homeless people on family vacations. I always try to be the person that people know they can go to for comfort. I need someone who will a. let me take care of them, but in return, b. take care of me. Now I know I’m an independent woman, but truly sometimes I do need help. And also for the record, I’m not going to be your mother.

3.       Must love baseball- It’s how I was raised, I love America’s favorite pastime. If your favorite sport is hockey, this isn’t going to go anywhere.

4.       Must be a democrat- Okay, now I know some of you are like whoa, that’s a strong statement. But you know what, I’m not afraid to say how I believe. I’m tired of everyone being like, “Oh, I’m an independent“ or  “I’m generally more conservative, I just don’t like labels.” Puh-lease. Say what your beliefs are and be proud of them. Besides I don’t want to be with someone who is against gay marriage, a woman’s right to choose, or healthcare reform anyway.

5.       Must have hobbies- It might be my undiagnosed ADHD, but I always have to be doing something. I like to learn new things, travel, cook, craft, shop, try new things, read, write, sing, and laugh. And the fact is, it’s way too easy to sit on the couch and never get up. Therefore, I need someone who also likes to do things because I want my life to be better, I don’t want to be complacent.

6.       Must have priorities- Everyone has things that are important to them, mine are: family, friends, health, and learning. I always say that I want to be the best version of me that I can be. If I’m with someone, they need to share these same values. I want to say I have a better half and know that I’m someone’s better half too.

Am I asking too much? I hope not. Mr. Right will come along, but in the meantime, only the men meeting the above qualifications need to apply.

Face your Fears!

As I sit looking out to the blizzard that is taking hold outside, I’m already getting that nagging feeling in my stomach. You know, the dread that after it dumps 12 inches of snow I’ll be forced to venture out in my Eskimo suit to face my fear of driving in the snow to work. My friends even make fun of me for being their personal meteorologist because I always know at least three days in advance if I’ll have to drive in the stupid snow. These thoughts have led me to the idea of fear. It seems like I’ve become quite a chicken as I think of all of the things that I am afraid of. These include but are not limited to:

·         The dark

·         Spiders

·         Snakes

·         Death by shark bite

·         Riding my bike not on a designated bike path

·         Heights

·         Birds

·         Airplanes when they are getting ready to land (ironically I’m fine during take off)

·         Being sick or injured

Where did all of these irrational fears come from? I can totally persuade myself that the chances of Jaws attacking me is pretty minimal in my landlocked location, however even a picture of a snake gives me the shivers. What creates this feeling inside of us? And furthermore, how is it that so many of us have similar fears?

I wish I had some sort of advice for how to overcome these fears, but as it turns out this wuss is pretty unhelpful in this area. I spent my last snowy commute quoting Home Alone when Kevin runs out of his house  to yell only to find the scary snow shovel guy. “Hey! I’m not afraid anymore! I said, I’m not afraid anymore!” It seemed to work as I got to work on time and feeling confident with my slick driving skills. Perhaps there is more to this positive affirmation business then I give it credit for. So if the next time you see me staring at a flock of birds and screaming that I’m not afraid of them anymore, just know that’s what I’m doing. Cheers to facing your fears!

Decisions, decisions

I find it interesting that people are always saying that they hate making decisions, because life is truly about a million different choices that we make every day. What to wear, what to eat, when to leave for work, etc. The conundrum that I’ve been facing over the past months however, has been those choices which are of a much larger nature.  You see, I’m a worrier. I worry about things that I cannot control, ie: will I be happy and satisfied with my life in 70 years? It’s almost as if I’m wishing for a book, you know like “Your Ultimate Guide to Life.” But I suppose that life would not be worth living if you simply had to follow a book.  Instead, maybe I need some sort of app to help me make a decision, you know like heads or tails. But then again, you shouldn’t trust your decisions on pure chance either.

I remember thinking I had it all figured out when I was a kid and asked for a Magic Eight Ball for Christmas. I was dying to ask this magical ball all sorts of questions, mostly involving my latest crush of course. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the Magic Eight ball was nothing but a dice rolling around in some blue liquid. There was no magic at all, just some stupid dice telling me to “Try Again Later.” What a discouraging toy.

I think that what it ultimately comes down to is that our minds have made decisions for us before we even know that we have made them. Fate takes our hand and tries to lead us the right way. I know that I have made poor choices in the past, but learning to a. not think about them, b. shiver and scrunch up my face when I do, and c. learn from my choices has led me to believe that I’m actually a pretty good decision maker.  I’m not sure if it’s nature or nurture, but somehow I’ve been led to feel like I’ve made the best decision for myself. My advice to those of you out there attempting to make decisions of your own is to trust that gut, and not glare at people who tell you that, “When you know, you’ll know.” There might actually be something to that quote.

The Single Life

Well, according to my blogger statistics all of you enjoy reading about my breakup. Nice. Actually I have a new motto, and that is, no judging. So I guess, thanks for reading :) I'd be lying if I said I wasn't guilty of a little online "checking in" myself.

At any rate, the topic of today's blog is living the single life. This whole new life that I've given myself seems to be a bit more difficult to adjust to then originally thought. So what is it that one does during this single time? I myself got the unpleasant surprise that it is in fact nothing like how Carrie Bradshaw and her single friends do it in all of the Sex and the City episodes. Or maybe I just need to get better shoes to strut around in with my ladies...HA, we know that's not true. But honestly, for a person who runs in circles all day, meeting the demands of 26 students for a job, it's really hard to adjust and think about my needs. I've got the basics covered ie: mani/pedi, gym time, spend time baking, and read books- but at some point my staff is bound to get tired of my weekly baked goods and my body is going to reach a breaking point as it nears the record for days worked out in a row. As I sat in my apartment this weekend, I couldn't help but wonder (subtle Carrie reference), what does everyone do with their single time?

I guess what I've come to conclude is that I can no longer rely on other people to bring me my sole happiness, and I have to find it in myself. That's pretty deep for my flippant blog, I know. I hate feeling like my friends are babysitting me, like, "Hey, whose turn is it to hang out with her so she doesn't mope tonight?" Everyone else has their families, husbands, and boyfriends to occupy them, and that's the way it should be, (which might I add, where the hell did all of the single people go? It used to be everyone and now it feels like it's just me!).  My new plan is to try new things and rekindle my interests. I'm hoping that means a new place to call home and maybe even a new job, but I just have to keep an open mind and remember that a. I will not die alone b. Everyone has a someone, and mine is out their waiting, and c. This may be the only time I have to be selfish, so I'm going to take it. Now someone better remind me of this when I get sad and go to the dark place that we shall call "worry-land".

I would like to conclude by just taking a second to thank those of you who have listened and made me smile. You all help me in more ways that you'll ever know. And now, at the risk of further sounding like a high school yearbook entry, I am done.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Well friends, I guess you couldn’t say you didn’t see this one coming. Yes, over the past month it seems that my life has been turned every way except in the direction that I had expected. I’m newly single for the first time in eight years, and while I know I’m still not through the hard times, loneliness, and random burst of tears, I have taken a bit of time to reflect. You see, this was one of the first times that the caretaker needed to be taken care of. I found it interesting how many people reacted to the news of this change in my life and I would like to therefore create this list of Things to do When Your Friend is in a Breakup. 

1.    No one knows what to say when you go through a break up. I will tell you the three things you should never say: “You are so strong, you made the right choice, and in six months you’ll be fine.” I got this probably 200 times and each time I wanted to say the following, “If I’m so strong then why do I feel like crap, if I made the right choice why I am so sad, and damn those six  months.” I know you’re trying to help and give me one of those “This too shall pass,” talks, but right now I can’t even comprehend shampooing my hair, let alone your words of wisdom. 
2.    One thing you should do for a friend during a breakup is talk about ANYTHING but the breakup. We don’t want to rehash things repeatedly and this will ultimately lead to you getting cried on all night. Seriously, save yourself the tear soaked shoulder. The only time this was safe was when I was holding my friend’s baby, because who can cry when they’re holding a baby? 
3.    Just show your friend that you are there for them. Reaffirming statements like, “I understand. I’m so sorry. Dinner is ready come over,” are extremely comforting. Remember to keep it simple, all your friend really wants to know is that you know they are going through hell and that you are thinking of them. 
4.  Feed your friend whatever they want. I lost weight on my all cookie diet. Save your exercise lecture for later, because right now that may be all that makes them feel good. I should also note that you should intervene by week three if this continues. Your friend will thank you for this later.
5. Save the puppy eyes for someone else. Every day I get someone asking me how I’m doing with this sad look in their eyes and their lip stuck out. Your look makes me feel pathetic and also guilty if I’m having a good day. Ask me how I am, give a high five, do a dance, but cut it out with the face. Pity doesn’t look good on anyone. 
6.    Finally, if you’re going to talk about the breakup among others, make sure it doesn’t get back to your friend. Nobody likes being gossiped about, especially when they already feel like they’ve just survived a blunt trauma.

Well, there you have it- a short but sweet list that should help you and your friend survive a breakup. Good luck to you and your friend, and for the love of Pete (and your friend), go get those cookies!