My Month on Match

It was really only a matter of time before I caved to my friend's peer pressure. Yes, the time has finally come for me to throw my cares to the wind and join Match. Initially the idea of online dating really freaked me out, but I decided that perhaps this truly is the new way to date in the 21st century. I'm giving it a month before making any rash decisions, and lucky for you, I've decided to document my experiences (because if all else fails, at least this should make for an entertaining blog post).  Enjoy!

Day 1: Set up my profile, added some pictures and waited for the ride begin.

• 2 hours in: A "wink" from a creepy 40 year old black dude. A "like" from a 23 year old redheaded cowboy. A little Indian man that would like to meet me for drinks. Apparently need to update profile preferences to be more specific.

Day 2: A slew of emails, change of email settings, and old, fat, creepy men checking my profile. Let's just say I thought I'd draw a better crowd. As my self confidence begins to shrink, I'm starting to wonder when all of the preppy white guys get online and see my great potential.

Day 3: Watched an episode of Sex and the City tonight in which Samantha says, "You can't swing your Fendi without hitting five losers." I'd up it to more like 20. Trying to find the humor so I don't cry at the thought that this is now my new hunting grounds. Ugh, can I make it the whole month?

Day 4: My experiences today can best be summed up by TLC.
Guys be like:

I be like:

Day 5: I'm tired of getting lame responses, time to overhaul my profile. Did some Googling in hopes of finding tips on writing the best profile ever. Sent said profile to Team Mingle, aka my closest friends, to make sure it sounds like "me". Added a few different pictures. Wait.

Day 6: New profile is slight success. Men seem to be enjoying my witty banter. Ha. Member of Team Mingle's husband is out of town= the two of us attempting to write more witty banter emails.  It took us 90 minutes and a leftover chocolate bunny to write 9 sentences equating to 3 emails. Who knew it'd be this much work?

Day 7: Patiently waiting for my potential dates to respond to our cleverly crafted messages. Instead got a message from my ex-boyfriend's friend. Awesome.

Day 8-9: Decided to officially boycott for a few days. I seem to have a very love/hate relationship with this.

Day 10: Got a very nice message from a hobbit man the other day, so decided to thank him for his message even though I'm not interested in joining him at the Shire. Figured I could use the good karma. Five minutes later I got an email from a potential guy. He gave me his phone number. Hmmm...what does one do with this?

Day 11: Discuss said phone number with Team Mingle. They think he sounds nice and normal. Deep breath, I think I'm actually going to have to contact him.

Day 12: Waited until today to text the ominous phone number- don't want to seem too eager. He says, "Hi! How are you?" Have to contact Team Mingle to determine how I am. I'm pretty sure I should be better at this. Turns out texting strangers is much harder than you think it will be.

Day 13: And so the texting begins...
Me: So, what should I know about you?
Sconnie: I like to work out and I'm from Wisconsin. You?
Me: (Wow, this guy is a talker!) I just taught an epic geography lesson and today my pants are orange. I'm from Utah and I'm going to Body Pump at 4:30 if you want to join.
Sconnie: Will you be wearing the orange pants? (Ha. He might not be so bad after all).

Day 14: Witty text banter continues throughout the day, specifically jokes revolving around crack and donuts (yeah, I know I'm classy). He asks me out for coffee. Holy shit, I'm actually going to have to meet this guy. Contact Team Mingle again...what will I wear!?

Day 15: Today our text conversation consists of broken Spanish. I don't know why, though I find this very entertaining. Please, God, just let him be a normal human with good bone structure.

•  Later that day... Coffee turned into a two hour conversation. The talking was generally easy and I got over my nerves quickly. Lucky for me he was better looking in person and I know how to hold a conversation about baseball. Couldn't seem to shake the fact that if this guy was one of Snow White's dwarfs, he would definitely be Grumpy. Get this, he doesn't like The Lion King (!?!?!). I left feeling like this guy needs me to bring some joy into his life but I'm not exactly sure what I'd get out of the relationship. I'd give it a 3 out of 5.

Day 16: He hasn't called. I read He's Just Not That Into You, I know how this part works. I'm not sure that I was that into him either, but I was at least willing to put in some time to figure it out. He used the word "skered" so I'm thinking it's not really that big of a loss. Back to square one. Sigh.

Day 17: Well, Grumpy still hasn't called, but I guess if my nickname for him is Grumpy it's probably a sign that it wouldn't have worked out.

Day 18: Got a new message today from a super funny guy, (his profile reads, "I work for a creative marketing agency, which means I'm creative and I work at an agency, just like James Bond).  Apparently it's onward and upward because I already have a new date this weekend with Mr. Bond. I decide to move on ala Jay Z style:

Day 19: Continue emailing with Mr. Bond. This guy seems pretty great as he makes jokes based on historical events and I'm also pretty susceptible to his flattery. Looking forward to Sunday.

Day 20-21: One cannot search for a soul mate when they have a night of Parent Teacher Conferences.

Day 22: Got a message today from a very attractive fellow, (like had to do a double take hotness). He's a bit shorter, which isn't really a problem, it's just that this girl has an extensive heel collection that must be considered. Team Mingle had me stand next to a coworker who is the same height as Hot Stuff and it was determined that this could work. Messaged him back.

• PS- I got another message from someone named "chinky_rican". Am I the only one offended by this? Yeah just because I haven't mentioned the weirdos for a few days doesn't mean they've gone away...

Day 23: Heard back from Hot Stuff, he seems to be okay except for the fact that he is a Phillies fan. Ew. Haven't heard from Mr. Bond in a few days, starting to wonder if we are still on for our latte session.

Day 24: Have moved towards the texting stage with Hot Stuff, and height is apparently not an issue because as my mom says, "You're not exactly a giant." Right. Still no word from Mr. Bond. Part of me was worried that he was too funny, ie: not serious.  On one hand I don't care because I deserve to be chased damn it, but on the other I care because I let myself get excited. Damn it.

Day 25: Never in my life has a guy not called me back or have I been stood up...until this week. That's right, Mr. Bond happens to also be Mr. Dick. Apparently because it's online dating suddenly means that human decency doesn't apply.  You have to have emotions of steel for this. All of this searching, liking, writing, filtering, updating. I feel like no one tells you just how much time you have to put in just to get a conversation started, only to be sorely disappointed by the quality of men left in the world. It makes me feel like this:

I know what I'm looking for, I just didn't think it'd be this hard to find it.

Day 26: Received an email from Mr. Dick. That mother fucker (sorry, there is no other word that will suffice) had the audacity to claim that he was "busy" and that we should maybe still get together. Unfortunately I think I have made plans until the end of the century. Unreliability does not a relationship make. Thank goodness for Hot Stuff.

Day 27: The texting continues with Hot Stuff and it looks like we have a date. How should I say this...um, he's pretty great.

Day 28: I've started ignoring my Match profile altogether as the only person I want to talk to is Hot Stuff anyway. This guy is thoughtful (ie: sending a good morning text, aww!), funny, and we have a lot in common. I'm not excited for our date at ALL, (said me with my voice dripping in sarcasm).

Day 29: Member of Team Mingle walks into my classroom. "Girl, you can feel the happiness beaming out of your smile from over here!" Um, yeah. Maybe he's more than just pretty great.

Day 30: How can you be so attracted to someone you've never met? Our date is the day after tomorrow and I am literally sick to my stomach with nerves. Obviously the only way to make this better is to go shopping and get a manicure. I've been trying to keep myself grounded and have chanted the following phrases in my head all day:

• Please let him not suck.
• Please let him not be a tool.
• Please let him be kind.
• Please let me find my confidence.
• Please just make it to at least a second date. 

So after a month on Match how do I feel? Well I've definitely learned a few things. 1. You have to be open to things you thought you wouldn't be. Initially I was very picky and didn't respond to numerous messages and such. But to avoid feeling like you're ordering dinner rather than a date, you have to give everyone a shot. Well, almost everyone. 2. Dating is crazy. Obviously my experience is limited as my last relationship was 8 years long, but it's WAY different now. I've learned to not grow too attached, to not feel guilty if there's not a connection, and to always keep in mind what I deserve. 3. You must have unfailing confidence in who you are. Honestly, this was the hardest part for me. You have to stop seeing things as rejection, but more as a difference in preference. You have to realize that it doesn't matter how many losers contact you, because in the end, you only need one. I have spent the past year and a half putting myself back together and thinking about what it is that I want, and it finally feels like I'm wise enough not to walk into something that isn't right. So will it work out with Hot Stuff? Only time will tell, but at least I'm putting myself out there and searching for the love that I now know I deserve. Stay tuned...