The Case for Teacher Pay

It's that time of year again. We are all decking the halls, singing the carols, and wrapping the gifts. But as a teacher we are not only doing this, we are also trying to stop the children from crawling up the walls as they jump for joy from their candy cane comas. There's nothing like the holiday spirit to remind me that there are many things that come with my job that a. no one ever told me about and b. I should get paid better for dealing with. I'm not talking work overload or any of that, I'm talking the weird situations that come up on a daily basis that truly warrant a bonus. So while you are singing the 12 days of Christmas, I will now sing the 12 reasons teachers deserve better pay.

1. Noses- I don't know what it is but kids have an obsession with their noses. I can't even tell you how many times I've witnessed the pick and eat. It's disgusting and I'm pretty sure bankers don't have to deal with that.
2. Mouths- Kids are also obsessed with their mouths. I have a teacher friend who watched her student begin with one end of the paper and proceed to eat the paper inch by inch. Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure none of my college classes told me what to do in this instance.
3. Nudity- Yesterday I walked by a second grade classroom and a student had pulled his pants down and was just chillin with his naked butt in the seat. Why? No one knows.
4. Bathroom incidents- I clearly remember another friend's first year of teaching when she called me in a panic. Her student had pooped on the floor that day. Then the other kids had stepped in it and tracked it all over the room. When this happened in my own classroom we were lucky to discover it was canine. Again, things they don't teach you in college.
5. Spelling mishaps- Teachers should get a bonus check just for the interpretation of student's writing. Just this week a student wrote that, "The moon has phases because it's all a fart of our solar system." Changing lives, day by day.
6. Fighting society- A lot of things that kids know come from our society, of course this is not always a good thing. For example, I'm spelling a word for a student "per-pen-dic-u-lar," and he giggles. Okay, so he gets "dick" but he can't tell me what a triangle is? I'm mad at you society.
7. Teaching technology- Anyone who has ever taught 27 children at once to double click, save, and print knows what I'm talking about. Yesterday my teammate's student laid on his keyboard for a while thereby hitting the return key through 85 pages. Crazy that when he printed he couldn't figure out why the printer was only spitting out blank pages.
8. Tattling- Sadly I continue to deal with this in 4th grade. I really don't care if that kid is using a mechanical pencil, I care that you know how to write a summary. Ugh.
9. Snack time- Nothing says teachers need a pay raise like cookies for snack.
10. Faking enthusiasm- I can't even tell you how many times a day I have to pretend that I'm excited for a student. This sounds bad, but really I don't care that your dog did something silly that I don't understand, and I don't care that you picked out a new book to stack on your desk, and finally I don't care about a story that took 20 minutes to tell and there is no climax. That's some valuable instructional time right there.
11. Office supplies- I know, you're thinking what? Well let me tell you why teachers need more pay because of office supplies. First, I've had a child staple themselves twice, I've found numerous pencils sharpened down to less than an inch, and have had an entire stack of papers glued together because someone just loved squeezing the glue bottle. This is why office supplies can be a curse.
12. Parent teacher conferences- Now I'm not talking workload, because everyone already knows that these days equal 14 hours of work. I'm talking 20 minute speed dating with parents telling them what their child is doing is 5 subjects including homework and behavior. I should get a bonus just for filling the time so full.

Well, if I still haven't convinced you that teachers need more pay then you should probably give me a call. Actually, wait until after I finish my winter break :)

It's Thanksgiving!

In preparation for Thanksgiving, it seems to be a trend on Facebook to write about something you are thankful for each day. I thought this was a fabulous idea, however I didn't quite catch on until about day 5. I also can't match my Facebook friend's praise for babies, in laws, etc. I thought it would be interesting to take a more logical approach to these claims of thanks. Of course I'm thankful for my family, friends, and manfriend- they make me who I am. But what I'm really thankful for are things that most others take for granted. So, without further ado, here is my list of 30 things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. Gobble gobble.
1. Coffee
2. The opportunity to bake and relieve stress
3. A car that gets 50 mpg
4. Sunday mornings
5. Caring coworkers
6. A memory foam mattress top
7. The holiday season
8. Quilts made by my mom
9. Kleenex boxes in every room
10. Baseball parks
11. The crock pot
12. Tulips
13. Knowing how to play piano
14. The 27 cherubs that I teach
15. Friends that make you go to spin class
16. J.K. Rowling
17. Bags that fly free
18. Free recycling
19. People that smile at you
20. Seat heaters
21. People who decorate their houses with Christmas lights
22. My day planner
23. Mashed potatoes
24. People that say "Excuse me"
25. The public library
26. A good landlord
27. Friendly and quiet neighbors
28. Free shipping
29.People who cook me dinner
30. Pictionary

Hey, it's not okay...

Man on man it has been a REALLY long time since I've gotten my blog on. I guess you could say I was suffering from a bit of writers block, that or school started and my free time became nil. At any rate, I've finally decided to take some time to begin writing again, and what better way is there to do that than to play off of another one of my blogs.

A few months back I was inspired by my favorite magazine, Glamour. In this magazine I look forward to the monthly "Hey, it's okay" page where people write in and say ironic and humorous things that are quite frankly, okay to feel. I thought I'd give it a twist this time however and create a "Hey, it's NOT okay" list. So here it goes...

HEY, IT'S NOT OKAY...

• to honk your horn when the light is red. It is best to wait for the intersection to clear before you proceed.

• to talk about politics...ever. This breeds hatred for your friends and also makes your heart palpitate and say things like, "You are a bleeping moron, how could you bleeping not vote for bleep." Not cool.

• that there are diaper wipes in my staff's adult bathroom. Oh, and no one has a baby. Is this what happens when you get older?

• to wear slippers as shoes, and leggings as pants, and hoodies as coats. 

• to update your facebook status 15 times a day. I'm sorry, but I just don't care where you are, what you're eating, and who you are with. 

•  Not to use manners. If someone sends you a gift, say thank you. If you walk in front of someone, say excuse me. How has society suddenly forgot these holy rules?

• To put up Christmas stuff in the stores before Thanksgiving. Every holiday should get its fair share of observance.

• To ask your parents for money after age 25. You've graduated, you have a job, grow up. Let your dad buy that red convertible and you find your pride.

•  To give me a Pepsi when I ordered a Coke. 

•  For Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner to not have egg foo yung gravy. I know it's my Chinese heritage, but the meal just isn't the same without it. Period.

No comprendo.

These days I feel like the more I look around me, the more I just don't understand. There are just some things that make me want to throw my arms in the air because they just plum don't make sense. Of course then I take a deep sarcastic breath and move on. Is there anyone out there that can please explain the following to me:

• Cropped tops- Doesn't everyone know that in fashion, long and lean lines make a long and lean you? If you crop it all that shows is your muffin top. Why must these designers make shirts that require so many sit ups?
• Frozen yogurt shops- Okay, now you're thinking, "Hello, you love frozen yogurt!" which I do, however I think that we've gotten way far away from this healthy dessert phase. How can people call yogurt that you pay for by the POUND and cover in chocolate chips and 300 gummi bears healthy? I myself call this dinner (ha!) but healthy, not quite.
• Tip jars- I was a waitress for 3 years, so I know just how important it is to tip well. However it seems like everywhere you go these days, people want to get tipped. I'm sorry, but I don't feel that I owe you something just because you opened a display and handed me a box of Butterfinger bites. Perhaps you should charge less and do a dance, then I might consider it.
• 5K runs and/or marathons- Hey, did you know that if you want to have a fundraiser in Colorado all you have to do is tell people there will be a running race? Since when do so many people like running, and on top of that running through mud and electrical fences? This doesn't say fun to me, this says wow my face is beet red and I don't think my heart should be beating this fast. I also don't like how these runs shut down traffic on a Saturday...just saying.
• Sporks- When was the last time you tried using one of these things? KFC right? Let's just say not the world's best invention.
• The B gear on my car- The dealership said this meant "brake". I nodded like I understood, but really all I could think was, "Isn't there a pedal for that?" Hence, the B gear will probably never get used.

I guess as I continue to go through life I will continue to find these things that just don't make sense to me. But I will say I'm willing to listen to anyone who can explain...as I eat my frozen yogurt in my cropped top of course.

Freshly sharpened bouquet of pencils

Well kids, it's that time of year again, time for back to school. While the end of summer brings dread to many a little one, I myself celebrate 10 cent folders and markers for just $1. But I guess I can see where these kids are coming from, I mean after months of freedom we all have to buckle down and get back to the paper and pencils. What most people may not think about is how teachers and adults feel about this back to school time of year. I feel the following:

• Confusion as to why I picked a job with a location so far away. Seriously, I do not remember the commute being this long, nor people being this slow.

 

• Stress at trying to perfect the straightness of a bulletin board...a bulletin board that will no doubt be ignored and/or ripped down by October. 
• Clever, as in how can I cleverly fit 20 Smart Ones lunches into my freezer for those "emergency" days when making a lunch sounds like climbing Everest. 

 

• Panic because all of the sudden I have to find my ironing board again...okay, okay, I'll be honest- most days I iron my clothes with my hair straightener 2 minutes before I walk out the door, stupid mornings.
• Tired, because let's be real I a. have not had to wake up before the crack of 9 for three months, b. have only had to use brain power to keep track of who is winning on the current episode of Project Runway, and c. have not showered before 2 p.m. in over a week. All of this "work" is tiring!

• Anticipation, as in I cannot wait to see what fun conversations and drama will come up in my workplace that is 99% women :) 

 

Well, I'm off to pick out my new outfit for school tomorrow and go to bed, that's right it's school bedtime again. Good luck my little scholars!

Hey, It's Okay...

I'm an avid magazine reader, and among my favorites is Glamour magazine. And inside this piece of literature, my favorite page is the "Hey, It's Okay..." page where it lists many things that are, well frankly they are okay to agree with. So to pay homage to this entertaining magazine, I have created my own list of things that I hope you also think are okay.

Hey, it's okay...

 

• to take pictures of your feet just to prove that you were somewhere.
• to consider a veggie burger as a vegetable serving.
• to judge people who don't send thank you cards. It's common decency people.
• to scoff at people who still don't recycle. Global warming is real my friends, the jig is up. So do your part.
• to consider shopping exercise. Old people can walk around malls, so why can't you? Plus you have all those bags to carry...
• to secretly hate those women at the gym who work out in only their sports bras. We already know you're fit, we don't need your abs to reinforce this on us as we are dying on the treadmill.
• to call your mom to see what type of meat you need to make that pot roast.
• to stand up for yourself and say what you want. This is especially true when talking to your hairdresser, the person doing your pedicure, your auto mechanic, and your boyfriend.
• to know every song from the Lion King and to sing along, most especially to the beginning of the Circle of Life.
• to base your travels on things you collect. In my case this means taking pictures at the state line, getting stamps in my National Park passport, and buying city Starbucks mugs.
• to think that your family is simply the best family in the world.
• to ask for your Shirley Temple shaken not stirred.

Sexy and I Know It

Well, it’s an ordinary Monday and I decided to check my email. After completing this task I logged out and was brought to a screen that said “Now you can browse the internet in a way that is stylish and sexy,” paraphrasing for copyright reasons of course. Upon reading this I immediately took up my thinking face, (you know, one eyebrow up, one down). What on earth makes checking my email or surfing the web “sexy” or “stylish”? I suppose some people think what they are doing online makes them feel sexy, but I call it pervy.

This so called sexy internet browsing got me to thinking about just how overused the term “sexy” is. We all know that sex sells, but must we now call everything from our chocolate bars, to our shoes, to our cars sexy? My inner teacher tells me that there must be a better array of words that can be used to attract people’s attention.  The biggest danger in this overuse of “sexy” is that people are using it incredibly incorrectly. For the record I would like to state that the following are not in fact “sexy”.

• That time of the month. Sure your tampon brand may make you feel comfortable going to a swimming pool, but in no way does it even remotely make me feel “sexy”. It makes me feel hungry and bloated

•    That swoosh of hair in front of your eyes, like Beiber style. This is not “sexy” especially when you have to shake your head in one direction repeatedly to keep it in place. You look like a fool with a neck twitch, not “sexy”.

•  Food. On a TV show I was watching, the host hopeful kept talking about “sexy” food. Uh, maybe delicious, savory, or mouthwatering. But “sexy” is just the wrong word. Who feels sexy after they chow down?

• Cars. Most men think their cars make them “sexy”, or that the car itself is “sexy”. I may say your car is clean, or your car is fast, but “sexy”, no. This is especially true when you rev the engine loudly in an intersection, or when you drive laid back with one hand on the wheel. You think your car makes you “sexy” but mostly it makes me smirk at you.

And so friends, the next time you consider using the adjective “sexy” to describe something, I want you to really think about it. I’m on JT’s side and think that we do in fact need to bring sexy back, but only for the nouns that really fit the requirements of the word. Now get back to your sexy browsing!

How smart is a smart phone?

I was always one of those people that claimed that they didn’t “need” a smart phone. I just make phone calls and send text messages, why would I need something with email, games, maps, a camera, and facebook? Well, my tune has changed a bit since I’ve now invested in my first smart phone. You see, it’s amazing how many random questions that you need answered in a day. For example, just recently I had to Google to see when Saturday mail delivery ends (no date set yet) and how to say welcome in Tahitian (maeva!). All this would not be possible without my fabulous phone.

I’ve also found that your phone can be quite handy as you travel, which is good for me because it helps me pretend to be spontaneous. I say pretend, because I no longer have to go in a panic when I make a left instead of a right, I just follow my little Google map, I just slightly have to sweat. I’ve mapped out traffic patterns, found a brewery, and my personal favorite- I know the 5 day weather forecast for wherever I go (my friends call me the meteorologist). 

The only danger in this incredibly smart phone is that you can really hide behind it. If you want to avoid conversation while you stand in line, you check your facebook. If you want something to entertain you while you wait for your friend to get back from the bathroom, you check your email. The phone continues to get dangerous as you get bombarded by alarms you’ve set on your calendar, and emails that need to be answered on that damn teeny tiny keyboard, and my phone even makes frightening thunder sounds when it rains…suddenly your little sidekick seems to be causing you to be more overwhelmed than helped. This is ironic because when you don’t have your phone you in fact feel helpless. That, and you wonder to yourself how the hell there is somewhere on the planet that still doesn’t have cell service. 

I guess my opinion on this handy little invention is that it is really quite fabulous, however it shouldn’t replace human interaction. So check the weather one last time, and put that thing away. Can you hear me now?

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I’ve always been a fan of people watching, in fact I typically buy extra dark sun glasses in order to sneak an extra peak of the weird and wonderful people surrounding me. Recently, I went on a trip and learned that the airport is in fact one of the best people watching places.  You see, there is something about traveling by air that sends ordinary people into quite a tizzy. This ends up being quite entertaining for those of us who have flown, say, within the last ten years. Among the most entertaining things I observed at the airport were:

   1.       People who don’t understand how to go through a security line. I know you’re thinking this isn’t entertaining, this is so flipping obnoxious! But really, what could be more humorous than watching people undress rapidly, shove all of their belongings in a tub, and shuffle through a body scanner with their mismatched socks. It literally boggles my mind how hard this is for people. And don’t worry, I always seem to choose the line that has the most morons in it like hey, I didn’t know my belt had metal on it, or what do you mean I can’t have my phone in my pocket? Deep yoga breathing and finding the humor help me progress through the line.

2.       People traveling with small children. Okay, now I know you’re going to think I’m mean for saying this, but sometimes I think traveling parents need to a. chill out and b. pack less shit to entertain their child. I’m not a parent, but I am a teacher, and I can tell you that giving your kid some paper and crayons will yield less crying and more brain cells than your iphone with an episode of Sesame Street (also for the record, the rest of us don’t want to listen to Big Bird). Among the most entertaining thing that parents do is use their giant strollers as battering rams to get through crowds… yeah, don’t do that.

3.       People who can’t read. Surely you didn’t read that correctly, everyone knows how to read! Apparently not at the airport, nor do people know how to listen. They tell you to line up in numerical order to board the plane, so you just push in front of everyone right? The sign tells you to board at a certain gate, so you get ticked when you go to the wrong gate right? My favorite of course is when every ticket and announcement says that there are no assigned seats and you ask what your seat number is. Okay, so maybe this one isn’t entertaining and my comments are dripping with sarcasm, but hey it still makes for good people watching.

I encourage you to watch for these characters the next time you take a ride on a jet plane. While flying can be stressful, finding amusement in others may just lighten your trip.Or just reinforce that stupid people are not just annoying but humorous too.

Just Pin It!

It's official...I'm addicted to Pinterest. For months I heard about this "virtual bulletin board" and thought to myself, "That's lame, why are people so crazy about this?" Okay, so really I was thinking, "Don't let yourself get on that, you know you'll get addicted in a snap." I can't explain what it is, but whoever invented this sharing of images is a freakin genius. For those of you who don't yet pin, let me give you just a few reasons why you should jump on the bandwagon.

1. The web has become an overwhelming source of information. Even using Google can give you 942 ways to prepare an artichoke. On Pinterest, you just type in what you want and voila! Take your pick!
2. People are amazing. Seriously, the creative juices that exist in our world are vastly untapped. I may not be able to come up with a clever way to decorate cupcakes, but I sure can copy someone else.
3. I admit that sometimes I'm lazy and I don't want to read. We'll call that "visual learning" for the sake of my name. On Pinterest, you pick what you want to pin based off of how it looks. I'll analyze the recipe or list of supplies later, right now I can just pin it and save it for a later date.
4. Pinterest prepares you for your future. For example, I don't have a garden, but when I do, it will contain hanging planters (see my pinboard). I'm not married, but I know exactly what my flower arrangements will look like (don't tell my boyfriend). It's not yet Christmas, but I know what handmade gift you are all getting (and yes, they all come in mason jars). Who can honestly say that they don't need something to help them plan ahead?

In summary, if you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it. Just make sure you join on a day you have a lot of time so you can pin your little heart out!

Quit your Freeloading!

I’ve decided that I’m really fed up with freeloaders. To some this may seem like a pretty obvious statement, because really, who likes a freeloader? But the more I look around me, the more I see these freeloaders roaming in every nook of my life. Specifically I can think of three groups of freeloaders.

1.       Freeloaders that you work with- Did you know that everyone that you work with is busier than you are? And that they couldn’t possibly help you out with anything because they are very important? Yes, it is true.  Now I know I can be one of those “It’s Easier to do it Myself” type of people, however I’ve been trying to give myself a bit of relief by asking for help and dividing up tasks.  With your great coworkers this works out quite nicely, you know like you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. However with others, you’ll always be disappointed. To them I say, that’s fine, I won’t ever help you again. And also, I dare you to take credit for my work…seriously.

2.       Freeloaders in your community- I was recently at a fundraising meeting where people were being asked to host a fundraising event. Alright, who would like to volunteer? (Insert crickets). No one. Okay then, so you want the benefits from the fundraising, but you would like to have no part in actually participating…right, you must be one of those “busy people” too. 

3.       Friends that are freeloaders- Now this is a tricky one because for some friends, you’re willing to let them do a little freeloading because they are your friends and you love them. However, there are some that just take. In fact you could call them a vacuum because all they do is suck things from you.  They want you to cook for them, they want you to host people for that big game, they want you to drop everything to do them a favor, they want you to pick them up at the airport, and they want you to help them move.  However whenever you ask them for help, they magically can’t seem to answer their phone. FYI- we know that you keep your phone with you at all times as if it were another appendage, so we know you got the call beeyatch. Let’s be honest, if a friend is a freeloader, they’re not really a friend at all.

While I can’t change that there are freeloaders in this world, because we all know that some people just live their lives like this, what I can take from this realization is that now I know what I don’t want be like. So freeloaders of the world, get off your butts and do something! (And also, I'm not saying that you revolve around my blog, but I bet now you can't stop wondering if I'm talking about you. hee hee)

What a Tool

I apologize for my lack of blogging lately. My move is officially over and the fun of unpacking is upon me. While unpacking and decorating my new space, I’m reminded of my life long battle with power tools. You see, I was banned from using tools during high school when I took my stereo apart. I was merely trying to get a CD out, but what ended up happening was an expensive piece of audio equipment being dissected into a disarray of screws and miscellaneous metal parts. My parents were less than pleased. At least now I can’t find a way to use power tools to take apart my iPod.

My boyfriend has also experienced my lack of tool knowledge. We decided it would be fun to build bookcases for his basement in the form of a race aka who can build their shelves the fastest. This turned into me accidentally building my bookcase backwards and him having to completely take it apart…including the locking screws (or whatever). Apparently I had gotten a little excited with the drill and was no longer allowed to be a part of the building process. He’s no fun at all.

This week I again had to relive my battle with tools. I went into it thinking “I am woman, hear me roar” which of course led me to drop a hammer on my toe…yes, it drew blood. Then I thought I would install some curtains. I watched multiple videos online and read through directions as well. Again, I do not believe in needing a man for these types of things. Well, four bent wall anchors later and a pretty big hole, and my curtains are still on the ground. Will I be forever cursed to not know how to use these damn tools? I hope not, because frankly, it’s really bright in the morning. Also, I’m currently accepting help from anyone who knows how to do this shit.