The Single Life

Well, according to my blogger statistics all of you enjoy reading about my breakup. Nice. Actually I have a new motto, and that is, no judging. So I guess, thanks for reading :) I'd be lying if I said I wasn't guilty of a little online "checking in" myself.

At any rate, the topic of today's blog is living the single life. This whole new life that I've given myself seems to be a bit more difficult to adjust to then originally thought. So what is it that one does during this single time? I myself got the unpleasant surprise that it is in fact nothing like how Carrie Bradshaw and her single friends do it in all of the Sex and the City episodes. Or maybe I just need to get better shoes to strut around in with my ladies...HA, we know that's not true. But honestly, for a person who runs in circles all day, meeting the demands of 26 students for a job, it's really hard to adjust and think about my needs. I've got the basics covered ie: mani/pedi, gym time, spend time baking, and read books- but at some point my staff is bound to get tired of my weekly baked goods and my body is going to reach a breaking point as it nears the record for days worked out in a row. As I sat in my apartment this weekend, I couldn't help but wonder (subtle Carrie reference), what does everyone do with their single time?

I guess what I've come to conclude is that I can no longer rely on other people to bring me my sole happiness, and I have to find it in myself. That's pretty deep for my flippant blog, I know. I hate feeling like my friends are babysitting me, like, "Hey, whose turn is it to hang out with her so she doesn't mope tonight?" Everyone else has their families, husbands, and boyfriends to occupy them, and that's the way it should be, (which might I add, where the hell did all of the single people go? It used to be everyone and now it feels like it's just me!).  My new plan is to try new things and rekindle my interests. I'm hoping that means a new place to call home and maybe even a new job, but I just have to keep an open mind and remember that a. I will not die alone b. Everyone has a someone, and mine is out their waiting, and c. This may be the only time I have to be selfish, so I'm going to take it. Now someone better remind me of this when I get sad and go to the dark place that we shall call "worry-land".

I would like to conclude by just taking a second to thank those of you who have listened and made me smile. You all help me in more ways that you'll ever know. And now, at the risk of further sounding like a high school yearbook entry, I am done.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Well friends, I guess you couldn’t say you didn’t see this one coming. Yes, over the past month it seems that my life has been turned every way except in the direction that I had expected. I’m newly single for the first time in eight years, and while I know I’m still not through the hard times, loneliness, and random burst of tears, I have taken a bit of time to reflect. You see, this was one of the first times that the caretaker needed to be taken care of. I found it interesting how many people reacted to the news of this change in my life and I would like to therefore create this list of Things to do When Your Friend is in a Breakup. 

1.    No one knows what to say when you go through a break up. I will tell you the three things you should never say: “You are so strong, you made the right choice, and in six months you’ll be fine.” I got this probably 200 times and each time I wanted to say the following, “If I’m so strong then why do I feel like crap, if I made the right choice why I am so sad, and damn those six  months.” I know you’re trying to help and give me one of those “This too shall pass,” talks, but right now I can’t even comprehend shampooing my hair, let alone your words of wisdom. 
2.    One thing you should do for a friend during a breakup is talk about ANYTHING but the breakup. We don’t want to rehash things repeatedly and this will ultimately lead to you getting cried on all night. Seriously, save yourself the tear soaked shoulder. The only time this was safe was when I was holding my friend’s baby, because who can cry when they’re holding a baby? 
3.    Just show your friend that you are there for them. Reaffirming statements like, “I understand. I’m so sorry. Dinner is ready come over,” are extremely comforting. Remember to keep it simple, all your friend really wants to know is that you know they are going through hell and that you are thinking of them. 
4.  Feed your friend whatever they want. I lost weight on my all cookie diet. Save your exercise lecture for later, because right now that may be all that makes them feel good. I should also note that you should intervene by week three if this continues. Your friend will thank you for this later.
5. Save the puppy eyes for someone else. Every day I get someone asking me how I’m doing with this sad look in their eyes and their lip stuck out. Your look makes me feel pathetic and also guilty if I’m having a good day. Ask me how I am, give a high five, do a dance, but cut it out with the face. Pity doesn’t look good on anyone. 
6.    Finally, if you’re going to talk about the breakup among others, make sure it doesn’t get back to your friend. Nobody likes being gossiped about, especially when they already feel like they’ve just survived a blunt trauma.

Well, there you have it- a short but sweet list that should help you and your friend survive a breakup. Good luck to you and your friend, and for the love of Pete (and your friend), go get those cookies!