Tuesday, January 27, 2015

So You Moved in With Your Boyfriend...

Well, it's been about a month since Hot Stuff and I moved in together. I find it very interesting how people react to the news that you have moved in with your boyfriend. You get a rainbow of opinions from, "That's so exciting, we're so happy for you!" to, "Wow, that was fast." (*The author would like to note that these people should probably keep their comments to themselves). At any rate, what I've found the most interesting is that people are very curious about the so-called "transition period" of adapting to living with your significant other. According to their questions we were supposed to have had some type of argument, complaints about living habits, and/or issues with space by now. I asked my teammie if it was wrong that we've not yet had any of these issues. Our consensus was no. Am I saying that we are the "Dream Couple" immune to what seems to be the norm? Definitely not, but I'm also not ashamed to say that things are going well so far. If anything, I'd say that if you have a good sense of humor, moving in with your boyfriend can be pretty entertaining. So in the spirit of finding this so called entertainment, I'd like to give you some things I think you need to keep in mind if you are cohabitating...

So you moved in with your boyfriend...
1. Better make sure you listen to their health needs. When we first moved in together, Hot Stuff told me that he was allergic to all laundry detergents except for All. Me, being me, assumed that he was full of it since I'm a strict Tide girl. "He's used my towels and sheets before," I thought, "He's just being paranoid." So I continued to use Tide secretly until one day I foolishly left the Tide on the laundry basket. Upon seeing this, Hot Stuff lifted up his shirt to show me the rash on his chest that he'd apparently had for two weeks and couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Oddly enough, it only got irritated with the shirts that I had washed, and not the ones that he had washed. Yeaaaah, I felt pretty bad. He claimed he was going to start cooking me dinner with pineapple and mango in it, which would likely cause me to go into anaphylactic shock. We now refer to this event as his assassination attempt. Just to be on the safe side, listen to your significant other when they tell you they are allergic to something, otherwise you might have a "hitch"situation on your hands.
2. Always remember- he's still a man. See dialogue below:
Me: When are the walk through papers due?
H.S.: I'm not sure, soon.
Me: How do we get set up in the directory?
H.S.: Yeah, we need to look into that.
Me: How do we pay rent?
H.S.: I think I got an email...
Me: Where is the recycling?
H.S.: I don't think they have recycling.
Me: We are Democrats! It's our job to recycle!
Okay, so this conversation demonstrates that sometimes even when men are really trying their best, it takes a woman to figure out all those small, yet important details. 'Tis what makes us a good pair in my opinion.

3. Time to invest in some very necessary items. Our friends gave us this excellent housewarming gift. Invest in it, then have a giggle.

4. You might want to consider downsizing. It's no secret that we moved over the holidays meaning that Hot Stuff did the majority of the heavy lifting while I was lifting red bean buns to my face. During our phone conversations in which I continuously thanked him for his labor, there was an unmistakable feeling that he was concerned about just how much "stuff" I was bringing with me. So I have four boxes labelled "Cake Decorating Supplies" and a gift wrap holder bigger than a tent...don't we all? By the end of the unpacking and putting together the puzzle that is our kitchen cabinets, it was clear that some stuff had to go. The beauty of this was that it was actually very refreshing to unload some items. I have enough Goodwill receipts to get a pretty hefty tax write off, and I sold enough clothes to justify a trip to Ikea, (It's called Twice ladies, so easy and totally worth it!). So if you're making the move, at least make the best of it and clear out the clutter.

5. Things may have just gotten a whole lot easier. When I was living by myself I would often wish that I had a house elf to do my bidding. Okay, so my dreams of living in Harry Potter world never quite panned out, but there's no doubt that living with your boyfriend offers a lot of support that you don't really think of. Someone can start the coffee in the morning, pick up last minute groceries on the way home from work, or even make the bed with Orange Bear perfectly set on top. I guess I never thought that having someone around to help with everyday life would be just that, helpful. But what I've found is that it's a nice perk which I  want to reciprocate. Funny how that works right? I guess there really is no I in team.
 


Well, there you have it, just a few pieces of advice from this novice as I sit perched on my amazing new couch. But all silliness aside, it's quite hard to beat coming home to your person. So whether you've cohabitated for years, months, or never, go hug the Hot Stuff in your life...and toss out that old laundry detergent.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Quit Your Bitching

It was around this time last year that I read an article in my magazine titled, "Could You Go a Week Without Bitching?" This title struck me since it's not every day that you sit and analyze just how many things you've been griping about. And as 2015 began, I started to consider what my new year's resolution should be. Well, as most of you know, I've recently moved to a new apartment. When anyone asks how my winter break was, without even thinking I start talking about how terrible it was to move when it was -5 degrees outside, that it was incredibly busy and expensive to move just after the holidays, and that I'm so dreadfully tired of living out of boxes, not to mention the fact that the stinking couch is backordered. Did you hear that? Bitch. Whine. Moan. What I should be saying is that I felt great after donating many household items to a family of Congo refugees, that my sweet boyfriend moved the majority of my apartment while I was gone visiting my family, and that our new apartment is amazing and I'm loving the new living situation. How is it that I completely leave those positive details out and go directly to complaining?

After this little moment of self reflection, I decided I needed to look at this in a bit more in depth. First, I'd like to say that men bitch too, they just usually let it go and then they're done. Women on the other hand, tend to let it fester. For example, when eating lunch with coworkers one person's complaint turns into a series of complaints, and all of the sudden everyone has joined the bitching choir and we're all singing the same tune.  What I've also noticed is that when you don't join in with your fellow complainers you do one of two things:
1. You start bitching about their bitching. Ie: "Ugh, did you hear _______? She's so negative all the time, she makes me crazy!"
2. You feel bad that you are not bitching. Ie: "Everyone is complaining about their evaluation, but I'm not because mine was good. I'm going to go hide from them now."

Bitching is contagious, and incredibly easy to catch, so oftentimes you get sucked in. We are trained to think that if we can just get something off our chest, we'll feel better afterwards.  The trouble is that after we return to our desks, rather than feeling relieved, we are more bothered than ever. Your body feels tense, your blood pressure is on the rise, and then you need to go find someone else to share your complaints with stat...the ugly cycle continues because complaining is closely linked to gossiping, which let's be real, can be addictive. I recently met a friend for breakfast and decided to make the cognitive choice not to bitch about anything. Guess what happened? We still had things to talk about! Okay, okay, sense a little sarcasm here, but truly, it's amazing how good I felt after I left. I felt refreshed, joyful to spend time with someone I hadn't seen in a long time, and just plain happy that I had such a great start to the day. That is the feeling that I want to maintain.

Aren't we all tired of the complaining? We hear it over the annual family Christmas conundrums, we see it every hour from that one friend that we all have on Facebook, we think it each and every second we inch along the highway during rush hour, and worst of all we hear it coming from our own mouths about whatever small and trivial thing has happened to us. For me, I think it's just a change of mindset, a choice that you have to make to be more positive. Am I saying that from now on a complaint will never cross my lips? Not likely.  Because let's be real, not all days at work are going to be stellar, you won't love everyone you  meet, and some days there will be an inch of ice you have to carve your way out of before you go to work. But I think I should at least be a bit more conscientious. For both your sake, and for mine. Because if we can approach things without the instant need to exchange and bond over bitching, I bet we'd all be a bit happier.  It's a little less this:

  A little more this:
And a lot more this: