Saturday, March 29, 2014

Just a Perfect Blendship

I've been thinking about friendship a lot lately. I guess you could say that during my life-long quest to become a better human being, I've started to look at the people that I surround myself with. You see, friendship is much different when you are an adult than when you were a kid. The people you choose to maintain a relationship with must fight for space with work, significant others, family, alone time, and well...life. Therefore, it seems much easier than it used to be to "give up" on a friendship as opposed to when your interactions consisted of trading fruit snacks.

Before I start sounding too down on people, I should say that my friends are amazing. They are excellent for boosting self confidence, responding to stories in expected dramatic fashion, picking me up when I need help, and most importantly, making me laugh.
 Example 1
Me: Guess who texted me this weekend? The ex.
Group:What!?! OMG, what a loser, he obviously knows what he's missing! What did he say?!?
(I wish you could've seen their faces to understand just how funny this was.)

Example 2
Friend 1 comes out of the restroom: Do you guys just have that pair of underwear that is way too big and just sags on your butt? Then when you pull your pants on you have to like...rearrange?
Awkward pause...
Friend 2: Actually,  usually I have the opposite problem of pulling on my underwear and wondering how they got so tight and why I have so many fat rolls...

Example 3
Me: Okay, I'm going to say something now that I know I shouldn't say because it makes me a bad person, but I'm going to say it anyway, so please don't judge me.
Friend: I love when you start out stories this way!

Example 4
I get a daily dose of pins sent to me by my friend who lives far away. Even though we don't get to see each other often, she consistently makes my day. 


Yeah, what can I say? I've got some great friends. But anyways, my point is that I've been looking at people who I consider to be my true friends because I want to emulate the features of their friendship that I value. I know I look for people who are kind, honest, thoughtful, dependable, patient, and wonderfully sarcastic. No, I'm not writing an online dating profile, I'm talking about what I feel like we should all expect from one another. I don't think it is really that hard to be a good friend, but as I look at the people in my life I've noticed that there are quite a few that I've lost touch with. Why does this happen?
1. Their constant negativity made me negative
2. They were so involved in their own lives that I gave up trying to be a part of it (I'm being kind, really I mean they were selfish and egocentric)
3. They got in a relationship and lost all communication with the outer world
4. They yelled at me for standing up for another friend
5. They only wanted to be friends on their schedule
6. They only called me when they needed something
7. They made me feel like crap (so please stop texting me)

As I look at this list, I still feel like these are pretty legit reasons for giving up on a friendship. I also realize that at one time or another I was probably guilty of these things too. My hope is that I have learned to improve on these because I want to be remembered for the positive acts that I do in life. People think I'm crazy because I have a stockpile of birthday cards so that no one will ever feel unloved on their birthday, and I'll usually be the first to offer to you a ride, RSVP to your party, bring you ice cream because you are sad, or split the bill down the middle even if we didn't spend the same amount. I do these actions not because I want credit or because I'm secretly keeping score. I do them because I don't care about the little things like you didn't call me, or you left me out. I care about the big picture and knowing that I've created relationships that will help me through the best and worst times. My yoga teacher says we need to focus on how we will grow this spring and in what ways. My goal will be to grow new and old friendships- what will be yours?

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

40 Days and 40 Nights

'Tis the season for Lent! This year I've decided to give up something big...even bigger than when I gave up my 'Nsync CD in sixth grade. I've decided to have 40 days and 40 nights of no Facebook. Whoa, right? My reasoning for giving up the FB is three fold: it promotes wasting time, it's slowly ruining society, and  it will hopefully allow me to improve my relationships.

Let's start at the beginning. According to my handy dandy Facebook video, I've been a member since 2005. It's hard to deny that FB is great and valuable for many reasons. However, with the dawn of the smart phone, it seems like FB has become far too accessible. I can't even begin to tell you how much time of my day is wasted scrolling through my news feed. It's the first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing I do before I go to sleep. Why? Because I need to know what my friends are doing? Heavens no. More than anything, I think it's pure boredom causing me to log in. I had a big realization last week when I was having a less than stellar work week- the second I had the chance, I was checking my FB. It didn't matter that I still had work to do and that this was not the best use of my time, I needed an escape and FB provided me with that. Alarms started going off in my head- your escape should be a run, a friend, or usually in my case, baking something- not your news feed.

The whole wasting time piece definitely plays into my next reasoning-Facebook is changing society, and not necessarily in a good way. My friend and I recently had a conversation about how social media has given all of us a new sense of anxiety. When we look at what all of our friends are posting, what we often fail to remember is that people don't post the bad things that are happening in their life. All we see is the amazing vacation you took, your cute children, or the exciting restaurant you are trying. Our news feeds have created this false sense of reality that lead us to believe that everyone is living a happier life than us, not to mention the fact that we've all been transformed into a rather egocentric society. I love my FB friends, but truly, I do not need to know what you are doing and thinking, every second, of every day (especially when it has to do with your kid's diaper rash).

This leads me to when I do decide to post something. I'm suddenly anxious to see who will comment or like the post. I once watched my friend post a picture, then check his page every 3 minutes waiting to see if anyone had liked it. He started by thinking his picture was awesome, to wondering why no one else thought it was awesome, to contemplating deleting the picture altogether because after 10 minutes he only had 2 likes. How dare we let Facebook make us feel so doubtful of ourselves! Post your shit and be proud of it, (unless, of course, it's a political rant, in which case keep it to yourself). After 10 years of Facebook we've become a society that is obsessed- both with sharing things about ourselves and with prying into the lives of others. This is not healthy.

On to my last point- I'm hoping that taking a break from FB will lend me to improving the relationships that I have in my life. I recently saw a friend that I hadn't met up with in ages. We discussed things we had been doing, trips we'd taken, etc. and with each thing said, I noticed that we were both saying, "Oh yeah, I saw that on Facebook." So while life was happening, I got to watch it on a feed, rather than live it with my friend. That is not okay. I also went out to dinner with a group of girls last week. During said dinner, two girls had their phones out numerous times throughout the night where it was clear that they were checking their FB. Just know, that I will openly mock you for this type of behavior, because this is also not okay. If I want to know what someone is doing, I will  talk to them...what a concept. Having 500+ friends on Facebook does not mean that you are a good friend. Bringing a friend cookies when they are having a bad day means you are a good friend.

So on this Fat Tuesday, I give to you my reasoning for giving up Facebook. Perhaps you'll do the same, or maybe you'll post incessantly on my wall and await my response with baited breath. Who knows, I guess I'll see in 40 days!