Body Movin'

I think my mom might be the cutest patootest person in the whole world. You see, she's recently started a new work out routine and she calls to give me the run down of all of the insane things her new gym drill sergeant makes her do. My favorite thus far was when she told me her trainer told her to reach farther as she did the row machine. She then told me she'd really like to do this, but her belly gets in the way. Haha, like I said, my mom is fantastic.

At any rate, the madre says that these workouts often make her think of me, because I am the daughter that is the gym rat. Some people can't stand the place, but I find the routine and convenience unbeatable. The thing about the gym though, is that it is a really awesomely weird place. In fact, I can't believe it's taken me this long to write about it. So below are a few gems from my experiences at the gym.

1. Gyms are an untapped resource for people watching. Some people think gyms are boring and they can't stand the thought of working out on a machine for 45 minutes. Clearly, they have never looked up as they rode that elliptical into the ground. Watching people at the gym is the best part of my day. In particular, I love watching the beefcakes walk into the men's locker room as they slyly check themselves out in the mirror. "We can all see you!" I want to shout. "Nice flame/tribal/barbed wire tattoo, bro!" But I don't because I'm afraid they'll stop doing it and then who will I chuckle at?

2. Gyms are home to my best friend/worst enemy: the treadmill. I say this because anyone that has ever had a conversation about exercising with me probably knows that I loathe running. To me it is the hardest thing on the planet. I attribute this to my little Asian lungs and Buddha-esque legs. My two best friends however, love to run. So this summer they inspired me to fire up the treadmill and go for a run. I've now gotten to the point where I don't completely want to die, and occasionally even feel like this:

 But usually when I start feeling that way, I look in the mirror and realize that I'm moving at a turtle's pace and it's more like this:

Let's just say it's a work in progress.

3. Gyms are eclectic.  When you are working out at a gym, you are surrounded by a wide array of people. You've got the meat heads that look like cartoons because they can't pull their arms down to their sides due to their awkwardly bulging muscles. You've also got the adorable senior citizens who show up 30 minutes early for their Silver Sneakers class and hold onto the handles of the treadmill. You've got the people who are just there to say they went to the gym, which is obvious due to the fact that they are exercising in full makeup and no sports bra. Finally, you've got the people like me, who are there to get a good workout in and check out the hot trainers.

4. Gyms are motivating. I just attended a weight lifting class last week where the teacher was a mix of Molly Weasley and Hells Angels complete with fanny pack and sweatband. She walked around doing bicep curls while screaming at us, "Push harder!", "No cheating!", "Watch your body CHANGE!" I was sweating boatloads by the end when I realized that this crazy lady had really motivated me to try harder. Between trainers like that and the 80+ year old man training for the marathon, I'd say it's time for me to put it into high gear.

 

5. Gyms make me feel mighty. I think the reason I keep going back to the gym is I feel like a rock star after I'm done. I know I'm never going to be the skinniest little thing in the world, but I've learned that I can do things that I never thought I could. There are few things more rewarding than being able to say that I crushed that last spin class or that I just completed 800+ reps in Body Pump. I find myself giving serious props to those people I see at the gym that are obviously struggling with their weight. I've learned to celebrate the small wins with my body because weight is a hard thing to deal with, and getting off your ass is harder still. But even if you're only there for a half hour, you're still mightier than when you walked in, and that is pretty fabulous.

Let's Talk About Ex Baby

According to some, I am now the guru of breakups. I don't know how I got this title, nor do I feel that I am an expert by any means. Whatever it is, apparently people feel the need to talk to me when they are either thinking about breaking up with their someone, or they have just done so. And on this note, I think there are a few key things to keep in mind when it comes to your ex.

The number one thing I don't understand is how people always want to see their ex. They want to "touch base" or "find closure." In my experience seeing your ex will lead to either walking down memory lane and crying or remembering all of the reasons why you broke up in the first place and cursing. Just the thought of my former boyfriends makes me cringe and wonder how I let myself make such terrible decisions. This is why I choose to avoid them altogether. I recently saw my ex to pick up the last of my belongings that he had been kidnapping for the past seven months and it was super Miley Cyrus- aka awkward and unnecessary. Seriously, cut them off and move on.

The trouble I've found is that staying away can be hard when you have the same friends. It's almost like you have to draw up a contract with your ex saying who has custody of the friends on what days. When it comes to your mutual friends the key is to NOT put them in the middle. Put on your big girl pants and save the drama for your next diary entry. If you two should cross paths I recommend a. dressing like a fox and b. taking the high road by saying hi first. Along the same lines of having mutual friends, please do not try to befriend your ex. This will never work because chances are, you've let your ex Lewis and Clark your body. Do you let your other friends do that? I hope not. Therefore, exes do not equal friends.

The last thing I think should be said about your ex is that being lonely and single is not a good enough reason to get back together. Just because something is familiar and comfortable doesn't make it right, it makes you afraid. All of those issues that put you on the single bus will be right there waiting for you when you decide to give it another try ie: "We can get back together if you change this, this, this, this, and this. Okay?" Um no, not okay. It also puts all of your friends who have coached you through the break up in a really sticky situation. You know how uncomfortable you felt when you heard Rhianna and Chris Brown might be getting back together? Yeah, we kind of feel like that.

There in a nutshell are the breakup guru's words of sage wisdom. And if you forget everything I've said, just remember that unless your ex is Mr. Big, it's time to move onward and upward.