Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Breaking Up is Hard to Do



Well friends, I guess you couldn’t say you didn’t see this one coming. Yes, over the past month it seems that my life has been turned every way except in the direction that I had expected. I’m newly single for the first time in eight years, and while I know I’m still not through the hard times, loneliness, and random burst of tears, I have taken a bit of time to reflect. You see, this was one of the first times that the caretaker needed to be taken care of. I found it interesting how many people reacted to the news of this change in my life and I would like to therefore create this list of Things to do When Your Friend is in a Breakup. 

  1.    No one knows what to say when you go through a break up. I will tell you the three things you should never say: “You are so strong, you made the right choice, and in six months you’ll be fine.” I got this probably 200 times and each time I wanted to say the following, “If I’m so strong then why do I feel like crap, if I made the right choice why I am so sad, and damn those six  months.” I know you’re trying to help and give me one of those “This too shall pass,” talks, but right now I can’t even comprehend shampooing my hair, let alone your words of wisdom. 
  2.    One thing you should do for a friend during a breakup is talk about ANYTHING but the breakup. We don’t want to rehash things repeatedly and this will ultimately lead to you getting cried on all night. Seriously, save yourself the tear soaked shoulder. The only time this was safe was when I was holding my friend’s baby, because who can cry when they’re holding a baby? 
  3.    Just show your friend that you are there for them. Reaffirming statements like, “I understand. I’m so sorry. Dinner is ready come over,” are extremely comforting. Remember to keep it simple, all your friend really wants to know is that you know they are going through hell and that you are thinking of them. 
  4.  Feed your friend whatever they want. I lost weight on my all cookie diet. Save your exercise lecture for later, because right now that may be all that makes them feel good. I should also note that you should intervene by week three if this continues. Your friend will thank you for this later.
  5. Save the puppy eyes for someone else. Every day I get someone asking me how I’m doing with this sad look in their eyes and their lip stuck out. Your look makes me feel pathetic and also guilty if I’m having a good day. Ask me how I am, give a high five, do a dance, but cut it out with the face. Pity doesn’t look good on anyone. 
  6.    Finally, if you’re going to talk about the breakup among others, make sure it doesn’t get back to your friend. Nobody likes being gossiped about, especially when they already feel like they’ve just survived a blunt trauma.

Well, there you have it- a short but sweet list that should help you and your friend survive a breakup. Good luck to you and your friend, and for the love of Pete (and your friend), go get those cookies!

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