Let's Talk About Ex Baby

According to some, I am now the guru of breakups. I don't know how I got this title, nor do I feel that I am an expert by any means. Whatever it is, apparently people feel the need to talk to me when they are either thinking about breaking up with their someone, or they have just done so. And on this note, I think there are a few key things to keep in mind when it comes to your ex.

The number one thing I don't understand is how people always want to see their ex. They want to "touch base" or "find closure." In my experience seeing your ex will lead to either walking down memory lane and crying or remembering all of the reasons why you broke up in the first place and cursing. Just the thought of my former boyfriends makes me cringe and wonder how I let myself make such terrible decisions. This is why I choose to avoid them altogether. I recently saw my ex to pick up the last of my belongings that he had been kidnapping for the past seven months and it was super Miley Cyrus- aka awkward and unnecessary. Seriously, cut them off and move on.

The trouble I've found is that staying away can be hard when you have the same friends. It's almost like you have to draw up a contract with your ex saying who has custody of the friends on what days. When it comes to your mutual friends the key is to NOT put them in the middle. Put on your big girl pants and save the drama for your next diary entry. If you two should cross paths I recommend a. dressing like a fox and b. taking the high road by saying hi first. Along the same lines of having mutual friends, please do not try to befriend your ex. This will never work because chances are, you've let your ex Lewis and Clark your body. Do you let your other friends do that? I hope not. Therefore, exes do not equal friends.

The last thing I think should be said about your ex is that being lonely and single is not a good enough reason to get back together. Just because something is familiar and comfortable doesn't make it right, it makes you afraid. All of those issues that put you on the single bus will be right there waiting for you when you decide to give it another try ie: "We can get back together if you change this, this, this, this, and this. Okay?" Um no, not okay. It also puts all of your friends who have coached you through the break up in a really sticky situation. You know how uncomfortable you felt when you heard Rhianna and Chris Brown might be getting back together? Yeah, we kind of feel like that.

There in a nutshell are the breakup guru's words of sage wisdom. And if you forget everything I've said, just remember that unless your ex is Mr. Big, it's time to move onward and upward.