Short People Problems

Have you ever heard the song "Short People" by Randy Newman? You should probably Google it, that or just believe me when I say it's one of the most offensive songs of our time. You see, I'm a short person. I tower at just about 5'3" and sometimes I get frustrated with the disadvantages of being short. Among the things that short people have to deal with are:

1. Tall people. Let me tell you a little story about how my friend is 5'10" and I feel like a gnome every time I stand next to her. A conversation can only commence once we are both sitting and literally on the same level. I have to consciously make sure I'm wearing my big girl heels when I see her so as to avoid feeling like the smallest person on the planet. It only gets worse when her boyfriend comes into the picture...then I'm lost in the land of giants. *sigh* Can't I just be like them?

2. Other people's laundry. Wiggity what? That's right, I have a laundry room in my building where the dryer is on top. It just so happens that I am so short that I cannot see into said dryer. So on numerous occasions I will be folding my laundry and finding other people's nasty clothes mixed in with mine. You cannot tell me this happens to tall people.

3. Climbing on kitchen counters. I am literally a Spider-Woman acrobat in my kitchen. I can cling to counter tops, jump from side to side, and launch to the tippy top shelf if need be. We short people must adapt to cabinets made by tall meanies.

4. Pants that will never fit. You know something is wrong when the capri pants hit you perfectly at the ankle. Just once I'd like to buy a pair of pants that don't require hemming. A girl can dream I guess.

5. A difficult BMI to maintain. Laugh it up tall people, but because I'm short, the doctor tells me I have to also weigh less than you. Can I help that the Big Man made me in a slightly smaller package? Why must I now also work out harder?

Now don't get me wrong, there are advantages to being short too. For example, I can always wear tall shoes and  use my height to get me out of riding a terrifying roller coaster. I also know that being tall isn't that great because once I tried it out by standing on a chair. I asked my tall friend if it was the view he was used to having and he merely laughed. I'll tell you what, I've been to the top, and I didn't see the Promised Land. I saw lots of dust and a serious drop down. Heights are the worst.

So while there are many disadvantages to being short, and my feet may never reach the ground while sitting on a barstool, I suppose that I will accept my miniature frame as it is. Someone else is going to have to start doing my laundry though.