Learning to Grieve Again

Recent experiences in my life have led me to think about grief. Over the past year I have grieved the loss of a relationship, a friend's loss, and the loss of my grandfather. What I don’t think any of us can understand is why grief is so hard to deal with. It can literally make you feel a sadness that is so deep inside of you that you feel like it may drown you (similar to how this scene of Up gets me EVERY time).  Equally hard to understand is how long it will take you to heal, while also realizing that you may never be the same. I often reference “those stage things” and so I thought I’d do a bit more research into them. 

You may remember from your Psych 101 class that there are supposedly 5 stages of grief. They are as follows:

Denial: For me this is always the first stage. When someone tells me something horrible, I’m automatically thinking they’re lying or telling a joke... then again, who lies about that kind of stuff!? If you ask me, this comes from shock, a fight or flight type of ordeal. Even though I knew my grandpa was sick, I still couldn’t register that he was really gone.

Anger: This is a pretty easy stage to get stuck in. Whenever something happens that we can’t explain it typically turns into anger. Why did you have to leave me? Why is this so bleepity hard? Why do people keep consoling me with asinine comments?Why did this have to happen to me? You can literally circle around these questions over and over again until you're dizzy with frustration and anger.

Bargaining: This stage is a little tricky for me. As an Asian, I am naturally good at bargaining ie: Can I get this cheaper? However this type of bargaining is a bit more of the "What If?" nature. What if I had done _______? I promise next time I'll make sure to ________.  You know you're done with this stage only when you are able to understand that there is nothing that you could've done to prevent this loss, and that no amount of pleading can change the past.

Depression: I'm a pretty big sucker for this stage as well since I'm naturally someone who enjoys rehearsing memories in mind. The only issue is that it is these memories that often trigger an onset of tears, sadness, and just plain missing whatever you've lost. I've earned myself the nickname of "The Wet Blanket" in my family because all it takes is a picture of my beloved dog Snoopy or the card from my PoPo and Gung Gung on my fridge to set the tears in motion. In my defense, sometimes it is okay to just be sad. Oh, and your aunt shouldn't tell you not to cry, some of us didn't inherit the Chinese nerves of steel (I can say that because I know she doesn't read my blog) :)

Acceptance: Now in my very humble opinion, this is the very hardest stage to reach because your head must wrap around all of the ideas in your heart to help you understand that loss will eventually touch your life. This is not simply "getting over" something or "moving on" but letting the loss become a part of you as a positive light. Ugh, I know, easier said than done.

So there is your review of the grieving process. There is no order and no time limit, but in my mind the best cure is family, friends, and of course cookies. Don't lose hope, and remember that all you need is love! <3