The Beehive State

I think it’s funny when people ask me what it was like to grow up in Utah. It’s not like I have some accent or passport to give my birthplace away, but suddenly it will come up in conversation and people automatically look at you with this sense of shock and awe…a survivor. Yes, growing up in Utah seems to be very different than any of my fellow friend’s lives. Of course, many of the strange but true things that have happened to me in my childhood came from a certain religious group, but this is not meant to be a bash on them, rather a few highlights about what life in a small foreign town is like. Among my favorite childhood beehive state memories are:

• Deer Hunt Holiday- That’s right friends, we actually get school off to go hunt and kill Bambi. Then we will celebrate by riding four wheelers and/or horses around the mountain cabin. (Note that this is what their families do, we went on vacay.) 
•   People in southern Utah speak a peculiar dialect of English. It causes them to say thinks like “crick” as in, “We went swimming in the crick.” Also “frick” as in, “What the frick?” It’s not quite a southern drawl, but enough to make you question vowel sounds. 
• If you live in Utah, you drive a truck. One time I walked three blocks and counted 60 trucks. I shit you not. If you were really cool, you’d park your truck on top of a 4 foot pile of snow. Oh, and leave your keys in the car but still be shocked when the truck gets stolen.
• Square hair- I’m not quite sure how to describe this, but girls from Utah can actually tease their hair into this square shape with rounded corners. I felt then, and still do, that this is the most awful thing that a person can do to their head. Indeed, all hair seems to defy gravity in Utah- maybe it’s the altitude? 
• Okay, I’m sorry but I can’t mention growing up in Utah without mentioning Mormons. As a “non-member” you must be fluent in Mormon speak. This includes everything from: ward (crazy house?), stake (dinner or vampire?), elder (berry pie?), mission (to mars?), temple (of doom?), and sacrament (I’ve got nothing for this one). Memorize these because although you have your own set of religious beliefs and don’t give a flying fig about theirs, they will leave you out in the dust if you don’t.

Ah Utah. My memories of your small town ways will always make me smile…and thank the lord that I’ve moved.  Except I really do miss the fry sauce…